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Chosen One of the Day: Elan Sleazebaggano

Contributed by
Dec 7, 2018

In a universe full of extremely on the nose names, there is no other name in Star Wars that rivals both the succinctness and divine sloppiness of Elan Sleazebaggano.

Yes, I know that The Powers that Be did try to briefly sell Sleazebaggano as a nickname for Sel'Sabagno, but that was in an issue of Star Wars Gamer in 2002 and the official Star Wars Databank indicate that his name is, officially, Elan Sleazebaggano. It is as George Lucas, lord of on-the-nose names (I mean, “dark father?” C’mon!!!) decreed, according to Pablo Hidalgo: He’s a Sleazebaggano.

Get it? He’s a sleazebag with elan, because wearing what appears to be an Eileen Fisher trenchcoat and a fabric collar counted as elan back in 2002 I guess? There’s just not much more to him, even if you scratch the surface. He’s a University of Coruscant medical student slash drug dealer, or, as Star Wars calls it, “slythmonger.” He sells death sticks, a drug with a terrible name that 100% shortens your life if you use it, which is probably why he aggressively trolls clubs for potential buyers. All he is is a set-up for honestly probably the best joke in Attack of the Clones — that Obi-Wan just wants a dingdang drink after dealing with teen Anakin’s bullshirt all day.

And yet, I find myself endlessly fascinated by Sleazebaggano. One of Star Wars’ many charms is how close to the surface it wears (at least at first glance) its moral spectrum. Bad guys have bad names — General Grievous, anyone? — and good guys have good names — more like Poe DAMNeron, am I right? Sleazebaggano isn’t an outlier, he’s just the most extra and laziest version of that.

So here’s to you, Sleazebaggano. When it comes to you, we all know we’re getting exactly what’s on the tin.

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