Oh sweet, sweet Guillermo. Seduced by the promise of a Hispanic vampire via Antonio Banderas in Interview With the Vampire. Your heart’s desire to walk among the nightwalkers. You are the pinnacle of Familiars. If your heart must beat, it beats for one thing and one thing only, to serve your Master Nandor and to be given the gift of BLOOOOOOODHUH. We see you Guillermo, with your soft, friendly sweaters and your disarming disposition. Your Van Helsing DNA and your two — not one, but two — vampire kills.
Oh my GAAHHH [insert fire crawling up and coming out of our throats here] our Guillermo is a Vampire Hunter. His accidental skills with a stake are second only to his skills as a moderator, as a comforter of the dark one. And his skills at procuring virgins from his LARP-ing adventures.
OK, so, maybe Nandor shouldn’t give the gift of immortal life to someone who can kill two Vamps without even trying. It’s a real Blade of a situation, and Wesley Snipes is already around. Via Skype. But he’s there.
We want what’s best for you, Guillermo, and maybe that’s removing yourself from a toxic situation. I mean, they made Jenny a vampire before you. Jenny!! Some rando!
G-dspeed, Guillermo, we wish you nothing but your wants. We’re just saying, in the style of Danny Trejo of the Vampire Council, careful what you wish for, homes.