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Chosen One of the Day: Hela's perfect smokey eye in Thor: Ragnarok

Contributed by
Apr 30, 2018

This weekend saw quite a bit of fervor about whether or not mentioning the existence of a "perfect smokey eye" is misogyny or not. It was a really stupid weekend, is what I'm saying. In fact, Hela, daughter of Odin, queen of Hel, laughs at our puny mortal feelings about saying that someone "burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye." Hela takes that as a compliment. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to Hela. Hela is getting a bit choked up and her perfect smokey eye might run a little bit and get all messed u—oh, look, she just killed six people, she's over it.

I mean think about it. Hela gets up every morning, applies the most excellent murder makeup, puts on her best murder onesie, and still has time to get. sh*t. done. "Sh*t" here means murder. I mean, you have to dress for the job you want and hers is murder. And a lesser woman/murder god would be afraid to sport a bold murder eye and a bold headpiece of murder antlers but not Hela. Never Hela. And we could all learn a thing or two about priorities from her. Because she doesn't have time to spend all day on Twitter fighting about this nonsense. She's very busy. Because of the murder.

Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's the crushed bones of her enemies. It's probably the crushed bones of her enemies.