Chosen One of the Day: Jessica Alba's tragic wig and color contacts in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

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Mar 22, 2018, 10:00 AM EDT

Jessica Alba is an utterly stunning woman, there is no denying that. Unless you are the powers-that-be behind Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, in which case you would reply, "Sure, she's OK. But what if we put blue food coloring in her eyes and stuck some yellow yarn on her head?" And thus, the sequelized Sue Storm was born.

Now, in the 2005 Fantastic Four she was also blonde and blue-eyed, because it was 2005 and Hollywood was presumably patting itself on the back for "color-blind casting" of an actress of Mexican descent and then immediately coating her with layers and layers of Generic White Girl™. "But how else will people know she is Sue Storm, sister of Johnny?!" they said through raised clenched fists. "Just let her look how she always looks and say they're adopted sib—" "BUT THE SOURCE MATERIAL." And so on and so on, you know, things that could never happen today.

ANYWAY. She was certainly a bit caucasified...


... but had not been taken into full White Chicks territory as they did in the sequel.

Wait, I think I know where they got that wig.

I mean, look at the poor girl on her wedding day. Her deeply culturally questionable on so many fronts wedding day.

Did FF2 whitewash Jessica Alba to fit her into what they had determined was the Sue Storm look? Oh yes. Does said wedding have giggling Japanese women in kimonos? Definitely. Does pre-Cap Chris Evans set a bouquet on fire so his girlfriend knows he will never marry her and she might die alone? Absolutely. Are any of those the most embarrassing thing in this film? Close, but not quite.

That would be this sequence.


You know, it's almost like this wasn't a very good movie.
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