Chosen One of the Day: Lara Croft’s handy dandy climbing axe

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Mar 18, 2018, 12:43 PM EDT (Updated)

When you’re fighting for your survival you have to know how to use the tools available to you. I’m not saying you need to have a MacGyver-level mastery of the gum wrapper, but you should really know when something could easily play multiple roles in the struggle for your life.

Like, for instance, in the most recent iteration of the Tomb Raider video games. Starting with Tomb Raider in 2013, Lara Croft’s most useful piece of equipment isn’t her trusty dual-wielded pistols (in part because you don’t have those yet) or even her other conventional weapons, which include a handgun, a shotgun, a machine gun (or is it a semi-automatic rifle? I’m not great with artillery), and even a bow and arrow. While all of these might seem incredibly useful for taking down your many enemies scattered throughout the game, they pale in comparison to the one tool to rule them all: the climbing axe.


I can see your face now, dear reader, and even hear your exclamations of incredulity. “What are you talking about?!” you shout from your place behind your phone screen. “How am I supposed to mow down my adversaries with a measly climbing axe? It can’t even be thrown into their unsuspecting eye sockets and certainly can’t be launched in rapid succession by a tiny explosion. It can’t light fires OR help me set off high explosives from a safe distance! How can it possibly be more useful than a machine gun?!”

Well, to you I say, you are just not being imaginative enough. That climbing axe is your best defense against the elements AND the best way to get through the game as quickly and stealthily as possible. That’s right. I said stealth. You don’t HAVE to go running through enemy camps firing off dozens of rounds with reckless abandon. Oh no! You can sneak through them, quietly prying open cases of supplies and using your climbing axe and brute strength to strangle your enemies into submission. Then, of course, there’s all the climbing and the hanging, and the jumping from one precarious ledge to a sheer rock wall with only the climbing axe to keep you from falling to certain doom.

The climbing axe is lightweight and easy to carry on a belt! I still have no idea where Lara keeps all the munitions she has to lug around the rough terrain of Yamatai. 

I don’t know exactly what Lara does in her off time, but if I were her I’d carry that thing around like a Swiss army knife. Use it for everything from smiting your enemies to opening your mail. Use it to open a bottle of beer after a long day of research! Scrape dog poop off the bottom of your expensive hiking boots! Carry a second one around to keep the first one sharp or to share with a friend!

The possibilities truly are endless.

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