Chosen One of the Day: Max Shreck's eyebrows in Batman Returns

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Jun 20, 2017, 10:00 AM EDT

Batman Returns is the most underrated (and one of the best) Batman movies ever made thanks to a number of reasons, like an all-star cast and a prime Tim Burton before he and Johnny Depp slowly slipped into madness.

But the most underappreciated part of the entire movie? Max Shreck's eyebrows.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking,"Those are just Christopher Walken's eyebrows. So what?" To which I would reply, "Please slap yourself for even suggesting that Christopher Walken's (aka THE BEST CHRIS. Have a seat Evans, Hemsworth, Pine and Pratt) eyebrows are anything less than magnificent."

Yes, technically Christopher Walken's eyebrows are the base of Max Shreck's furry eyeball awnings, but this is far and away their greatest theatrical performance. People say that great acting is all in the eyes, but those people are idiots. As any woman will attest, NOTHING is more important than a person's eyebrows, and Batman Returns was jam-packed with some of the fiercest eyebrows in cinematic history.

I mean, look at this. It's a little known fact that Michael Keaton was only cast as Batman because of his eyebrows.


Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman? Only believable because of her purrfect (I'm not sorry) eyebrows.


And Danny DeVito? He was rocking a bleached eyebrow aka the "strung out on bath salts" look back in '92. Take THAT, Gaga.


All of this only serves as evidence to how legendary Max Shreck's eyebrow game is in Batman Returns. I don't know what Walken did to prepare for this career-defining role, all I know is that his upper eye follicles were so on point that even nature's elements couldn't hold them down.




These eyebrows deserve every Glamour Beauty Award for the next 20 years and the Lifetime Achievement Oscar. I won't rest until they're immortalized in the Smithsonian, right next to Dorothy's slippers and the Stripe puppet from Gremlins.

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