The Flash Gordon franchise has given us a lot over its decades of existence. There’ve been booty shorts and caftans and Timothy Dalton playing f*ckboi Space Robin Hood and Brian Blessed screaming DIEEEEE a lot while making weird faces. And let’s not forget the bangin’-ass Queen song and this oddly homoerotic flute.
But there’s one thing that’s sadly been left off that list in the annals of FANGRRL’s Flash Gordon coverage, and it’s time to change that. Because what’s better than a witch? A SPACE WITCH?
Oh, I'm sorry, I meant a QUEEN space witch. Space witch ROYALTY. Queen Azura, at your service.
Azura is a villainess in the Flash Gordon mythos, which is good, because Flash — bangin' glutes aside — is kind of a wet blanket who sucks. His ass is good, but the rest of him.... the rest of him is bad. Granted, Queen Azura throws in her lot with archvillain Ming the Merciless, who's awful for different reasons, mainly that he's a racist caricature and all. Which is bad! But you'll notice that this Chosen One of the Day is not about Ming the Merciless. It is about Queen Azura, who has good taste in tiaras and turns entire groups of people into clay when they piss her off and is possessed of mastery over only semi-wonky 1930s special effects!
Wherever has she gone? Object permanence, what do?!? Why does she turn people into clay? Does she love pottery? Does she hate pottery? Is she a fan of American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken? Who cares! That's a sweet-ass space cape, and Azura is a sweet-ass space queen, and thus she can do whatever she wants.