Do you remember The Spirit? It was the 2008 film made by dubious filmmaker (and comic book legend) Frank Miller, adapting the 1940s serials for a whole new millennium.
You probably don’t remember this movie because it was objectively bad. It struggles to walk the line between campy shlock fest and very serious neo-noir and features a disturbing number of monologues in which The Spirit pretty much wants to have sex with the city itself.
But, and hear me out here, the women are amazing.
Take, for example, Scarlett Johansson, who plays Silken Floss, the Harley Quinn to Samuel L. Jackson’s Octopus Joker. She’s in it for the science, you know. And the killer outfits.
Or Sarah Paulson’s Ellen Dolan who in addition to being the only character in this entire movie with a normal person name, is also the best doctor in Central City and the only one The Spirit trusts to heal his body (her words).
Oh, and she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to demand it, even from the city’s most famous vigilante.
Or Morgenstern (Stana Katic), who is pretty much what I would be like if I was a leggy rookie cop who mainlined caffeine.
But it is Eva Mendes’ Sand Serif who really takes the cake. I’m sorry, do you need a minute to take in that name? It’s OK. I understand. Take your time. Really bask in it. Here, have a gif while you process.
Good? Great, cause despite her absolutely insane and wonderful name, Sand Serif is actually incredible. She rises up from her working-class beginnings — and seriously, that name — to become a boss bitch. She spent her short life rising quickly through the ranks of society and turned herself into the single most notorious criminal mastermind in the world. She wanted money, she got money. Jewels? She was lousy with them. Husbands? Lousy with those too, and left a trail of dead spouses in her glittering wake because it doesn’t take that long to get bored by empty emotions no matter how pretty the face.
The woman tracked down both the blood of Heracles AND the Golden Fleece in a weekend.