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Chosen One of the Day: Thackery Binx

Contributed by
Oct 5, 2020, 11:03 AM EDT (Updated)

It's October and I'm a woman who was a child of the '90s so you know what that means:

Credit: The CW

Or they will be destroyed. That's the rules of the Friendtopia, I don't make the rules, talk to Rachel Bloom

In doing my civic duty (watching Hocus Pocus [I already voted! Vote!]) I remembered a truly defining moment of my life. One wherein I truly understood the Mandela Effect. Because, you see, I always knew it was Berenstain Bears. I knew that Sinbad genie movie never existed. But I also knew one thing, one permanent, concrete fact: that cat's f***ing name was Zachary Binx.

And finding out, as a literal adult, that it is actually Thackery Binx, well, that was a real light to the black flame candle, let me tell you.

Thackery Binx was a cat who used to be a boy. More importantly, Cat Binx was voiced by Jason Marsden, Eric Matthews' best friend from the early seasons of Boy Meets World, as well as DJ Tanner's rich boyfriend for a bit on Full House, and a giant of the voice performance world, appearing in Batman: The Brave and the Bold, The Legend of Korra, and, of course, as Max Goof in A Goofy Movie. HIS IMPACT.

When his sister is murdered by the wicked Sanderson Sisters (like, here's the thing, we all love these witches despite the fact they are literal child murderers like some kind of well dressed trio of Freddy Kruegers) young floppy-haired Thackery is cursed to be a cat, living 300 years and guarding the sisters' home so no one awakens them. Infinitely more useful as a cat than a boy, Binx is successful until Max's virgin ass just has to light the candle like a broken Mimi from Rent

Cats are better than dudes, confusingly misheard names and all. Stitch that on a pillow.

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