By now, several weeks after its theatrical release, you’ve either seen Ava DuVernay’s A Wrinkle in Time or decided you don’t want to see Ava DuVernay’s A Wrinkle in Time. Valid choices both. I’m not going to judge you. I wrote an entire article about the lesbian biker gang from Howard the Duck. I can’t judge anyone in this life or the next.
I do have some intel for you, in case you haven’t seen A Wrinkle in Time and are on the fence about doing so. One: salt-and-pepper Chris Pine, y’all.
Strangely enough, this is also the face I make when I look at The Best Chris.
Two: DID YOU KNOW that in this film, A Wrinkle in Time, on which Disney spent millions and millions of dollars, A-list star Reese Witherspoon turns into a leaf of bok choy?
Actually, it might not be bok choy. It’s definitely lettuce-adjacent. Perhaps swiss chard? Not iceberg. I dunno, man. I, a 33-year-old human woman, eat Bagel Bites for dinner far too often to be considered any sort of authority on vegetables. But I do know this: This swiss chard/bok choy/whatever? It flies. And is gigantic. And wears false eyelashes.
Ava, if you’re reading this, I have a very important question for you: What contour kit does she use?
You know, A Wrinkle in Time didn’t get the best reviews, and as films go, it has its problems. But there is no other film that I know of, certainly not a major studio release, that committed the way A Wrinkle in Time did to a full-on, balls-to-the-wall Lisa Frank aesthetic, a key component of which is that Reese Witherspoon is a smart-ass demi-goddess who can transform into a giant bok choy and carry children around on her back like she’s some sort of sassy vegan Falkor.
Except maybe Sweet Home Alabama. It's been a while since I've seen it.