Chosen One of the Day: That one person who spends the Purge committing minor crimes

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Sep 3, 2019, 7:16 AM EDT (Updated)

In the world of The Purge, there is one day a year where all crime is legal. Naturally, this means that bands of psychos roam the streets murdering their neighbors right and left. It's the only logical thing to do, right? If all crime is legal, why would you spend your time committing anything other than the worst crimes imaginable?

Except I know that there are people out there who might have a hard time stabbing random strangers or torturing your old high school bully or throwing grenades into any partially open windows. Sometimes you just want to get your feet wet.

So this is to you, reluctant Purge participant. You know who you are. You put on the crazy mask, grabbed your old baseball bat from tee-ball and headed out into the night to cause some chaos. Of course, while others were beating down doors and taking families hostage, you just couldn't stomach the idea. Blood is gross.

So you grab your bike and head into town, riding on the sidewalk because you're a rebel and who cares about the rules of the road? You're on your way to commit some crimes. And you know what? Crime makes you thirsty. But you're not gonna pay for that refreshing soda. No. You're gonna steal it. And since the convenience store is closed due to Purge, you've gotta break in. That's vandalism.

Hey, you're pretty good at this crime thing. What's next? How about some light arson? Not in a building where any people are, of course, but hey, property damage is property damage.

Maybe you should put a kitten IN a tree. Laws and human morality be damned.

The Purge.

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