Warning: This post is NSFW. Maybe. We genuinely aren't sure.
The notion that Howard the Duck is a bad movie is so deeply permeated in our culture it is as understood as ideas like "people like bacon" or "the internet has strong feelings about The Last Jedi." It's just known. But if you've never seen it, it's almost impossible to truly imagine how completely bonkers this film actually is. Luckily, a very, very clear indication of that comes early on.
Howard, our feathered hero, is reading a copy of Playduck because he is DTF (the D is for duck; the F just rhymes with it). Some kind of quake happens that launches his chair through his apartment building, knocking through the walls of his neighbors.
First, he visits this nice elderly couple.
His visit is pretty quick. Because, if I haven't made this crystal clear, he's still in that chair.
The very next apartment he crashes into is that of a lady duck. And, honestly, she's having what is otherwise a very lovely evening.
She's got a cocktail, a bubble bath, a song in her heart, and, frankly, she looks like she's ready to get into some alone-time duckladybusiness. Also, yes, those are her breasts. And honestly, they're spectacular. Quacktastic, even. Way to keep it tight, duck lady.
And even the sudden presence of the annoying guy down the hall and a lot of upcoming bathroom renovations can't stop her good time.
And that's it. That's the last we see of her and her pair of rubber duckies. Of course, it's not the end of this movie's efforts to ruffle your feathers, if you know what I mean (I don't even know what I mean). Later in the film, Lea Thompson attempts to seduce a nervous Howard. She also finds the world's most adorable condom (and disgusting—it's just loose in his wallet, gross).
You know what they say. Once you go quack, you never go back.