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Credit: Universal

Chosen One of the Day: The clearly superior cut of Cats

Contributed by
Mar 18, 2020

If you haven't seen the movie Cats, it is...uncomfortable. They have straight up HUMAN HANDS AND HUMAN FEET. They are all DEEPLY HORNY. There is a prolonged moment wherein Rebel Wilson SCRATCHES AT HER KITTY BITS. And yet, we now know thanks to this tweet from writer Jack Waz, it could have been so, so, so much more.

We could have had the buttholes. Buttholes for days. 

Here's the thing: someone made the decision originally TO DIGITALLY ADD CAT ANUSES. You know. For the sake of realism in this movie where cats introduce themselves via song to win the chance to go to cat heaven via a tiny hot air balloon. They put one on Idris Elba. Hasn't he been through enough?! Is that why Judi Dench wears a fur coat this whole movie (hole movie, lolz)? To avoid this fate? 

And yet. In my heart. I know. That this cut, the butthole cut, is the superior version of the movie. All the weirdness and nonsense and discomfort of the original BUT WORSE. Like the cherry on this bananapants bonkers sundae. 

Release the butthole cut, cowards!

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