gelatinous cube

Chosen One of the Day: The Gelatinous Cube from Dungeons and Dragons

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Jun 8, 2018, 6:41 PM EDT (Updated)

When you join in on a tabletop role-playing game you are offered a unique opportunity to cast yourself as a hero. You build a character, go on adventures, do things you never could or would in your real, mundane life.

But let’s be honest, as fun as it is to be an adventuring hero off saving towns and collecting gold, at the end of the day, it’s some of the monsters who populate the game who really have it good.

Why spend your life roaming around the countryside nearly dying of poisons and bad decisions when you could be a dragon? Highly intelligent and generally just as highly unmotivated, spend your days sleeping on your pile of gold and occasionally lighting wayward explorers on fire.

Better yet, be the Gelatinous Cube.

The Gelatinous Cube is a very particular kind of monster who is really living the life. They spend their lives hanging out in dungeons and food just shows up. These strange people keep wandering into the dungeon, get too close, and gulp! Instant meal. No need to move or expend any energy whatsoever.

Be the cube. Food is stupid.

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