Chosen One of the Day: The green slime from The Green Slime

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Apr 22, 2018, 11:03 AM EDT

The Green Slime is a campy sci-fi movie from the ‘60s that you probably shouldn’t watch. It’s like a Nicolas Winding Refn movie — a nice aesthetic, but once you peel that away, there’s nothing much there. It has good ‘60s outfits and a great poster that will trick you into thinking it’s worth your time. Joke’s on you if you do. There's not much that will manage to keep your interest for 90 minutes. There’s a HOT LADY DOCTOR and a MANLY MAN who the HOT LADY DOCTOR wants to have sex with on account of he’s SO MANLY—just the manliest man there ever was, so much better than the BETA MALE CUCK the Hot Lady Doctor is currently with. You know what? Every human in The Green Slime is just real awful.

Which is why, when watching The Green Slime (don’t watch The Green Slime, unless it's the version in MST3K's unaired pilot), there’s only one real option: rooting for the green slime.

The green slime made its home on an asteroid before it was accidentally transported to a space station by one of those dumb-ass humans who—thankfully—the green slime is about to kill. See, the green slime absorbs energy, which enables it to transform into one-eyed tentacle monsters that are in no way just men in rubber suits. Think Nickelodeon slime, but with murder. 


What's beautiful and magical and pure about the green slime monsters is not just that they're trying to murder their way out of this garbage movie. If the green slime did not exist, we would not have what is quite possibly the best movie theme song ever made. 

Written by Sherry Gaden and arranged by surf music pioneer Richard Delvy, “The Green Slime” plays over the film's opening credits, which is really the only part of The Green Slime you need to see. This song goes harder than it has any right to. It's impossible to not root for the green slime after listening to it. All respect to Queen, but the Flash Gordon theme—as much of an earworm as it is—is going to have to take a seat.

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