Chosen One of the Day: The headbuttasaurus in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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Jun 18, 2018, 11:46 AM EDT (Updated)

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has given rise to a star. It’s not any of the human actors, whether up-and-comers like Justice Smith and Isabella Sermon or more established talents like Bryce Dallas Howard and Chris Pratt. It's not Jeff Goldblum, whose photo is used to illustrate this post; I just figured you'd want to look at Jeff Goldblum. It’s not the T. rex or a raptor. It’s not even Toby Jones’ Trump-lite wig. It’s the headbuttasaurus, aka the pachycephalosaurus, aka the f*ckitupasaurus, Queen among dinosaurs.

Spoilers for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom follow.

Have you ever—could you ever—see a more glorious thing than a scene where a dinosaur head-butts her way through a crowd of rich, tuxedo-wearing assholes? Because that is literally what happens in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It’s emotionally resonant in a way no period melodrama or based-on-a-true-story weepy has managed to be. Ms. Pachycephalosaurus got a liberal arts degree that left her still, years later, swimming in student loan debt. She wants to maybe buy a house one day, but how can she with her credit score like it is? She’s currently putting in shifts at Jamba Juice to pay the bills, but of course they cap her at 32 hours a week specifically so they won’t have to pay her benefits. And now Paul Ryan did what? Spurred by the rage of an entire generation and given a brief window of opportunity, the pachycephalosaurus does what any of us would do: head-butts a bunch of people.

Not all heroes, as they say, wear capes.

After the headbuttasaurus kicks off the class war like the heroine in some sort of dinosaur-themed The Purge spinoff (Blumhouse, call me), she runs off into the night, the first of her dino brethren to make a break for freedom. She is their Moses. Their Boudica. She’s up the street, having a late dinner at In-N-Out (no meat; she's a herbivore) while the entire third act of the movie happens. Like I said: Queen.

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