gwendoline tawny

Chosen One of the Day: The lady thong fight in The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak

Contributed by
Sep 3, 2018

You can tell 1984's The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak is a pretty weird movie from its title alone. But exactly how weird are we talking about here? Let’s see… will “starring '80s video vixen Tawny Kitaen in a blatant Indiana Jones ripoff with heavy bondage undertones” do you?

No?

You need weirder?

Oh! How about the third act of the movie, where Gwendoline (Kitaen), her maid Beth (Zabou), and a rougish adventurer, Willard (Brent Huff), accidentally stumble upon an underground society populated entirely by women who are horny BSDM enthusiasts who like chariot races and hate pants? 

gwendoline thongs

What if I told you this underground society was called Pikaho? And that its Queen, who wears this cape...

...has Willard drugged with a poison that has a very unique delayed reaction. OK, I’m just going to come out and say this part. Willard—sweet, stupid Willard, who's actually not all that sweet because he's a gross horndog, but he is stupid—will die the next time he ejaculates. This particular plot point happens like 15 minutes before the movie ends, and with all the other stuff going in—the capture of a particularly elusive butterfly! a volcanic eruption! thongs!—no one ever actually bothers to find an antidote for poor Willy's willy. I think. Honestly, I’d consumed a lot of mimosas at that point. Regardless: It’s probably a good thing that The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak never rose above the level of teenage boy boner fodder to become a legitimate financial success, because if it had, it would have gotten a sequel that was just Willard jacking it for three minutes to get some stress relief and then immediately dying.

Maybe—just maybe—I have not yet convinced you as to The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak’s sublime weirdness. To that I can only say: lady thong fight.

Content warning: buttcheeks, bad martial arts, and the line of dialogue "The queen's will is the will of the queen!"

It's a very special film.

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