No one is hot like young Harrison Ford was hot. Ford circa the American Graffiti/Star Wars/Indiana Jones era was, scientifically speaking, too attractive to be real. The grin, the scruff, the lean, muscular torso peeking out from a just-unbuttoned-enough shirt…
… it doesn’t make sense that anyone should look that good. You know it. I know it. Carrie Fisher knew it. And so did Apple Guy.
Those four seconds of screentime and grand total of zero lines may not look like much on the surface, but they say a lot — enough to make Apple Guy one of the more relatable characters in the Indiana Jones franchise. What this moment says can be summed up, not in words, but in one long "Careless Whisper" saxophone wail, shooting right from Apple Guy's crotch to Indiana Jones in his sexy professor getup.
We stan a queer icon.
Apple Guy's conservative bowtie and sweater vest getup hide a stone-cold freak who has gotten together with the "love you" girl to write some truly wild self-insert fanfic about their favorite hot prof. "But Professor, are sure you sure you hate... all snakes?" You get the idea.