Chosen One of the Day: The Meg from The Meg

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Aug 10, 2018, 10:30 AM EDT

Climb aboard, Fangrrls, to the USS WATCH JASON STATHAM FIGHT A GIANT PREHISTORIC F’KIN SHARK. That’s right, The Meg is in theaters and also in our hearts.

I already told you that the Meg is a giant prehistoric shark, which is really all you should need to declare her the Strong Female Character of your dreams, but if you need more inforMEGtion, here you go: The Meg, or Megaladon, is a real creature that lived several million years ago and was *checks Wikipedia, bong rips* big as helllllllllll. In the movie The Meg, which exists in a better version of our world, the Megalodon still exists, chilling in a hidden area of the ocean under what we thought was the bottom of the Marianas Trench. 

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE MEG. There are actually multiple Megs, swimming about their own corner of the ocean, having potluck dinners and competing in homoerotic volleyball games, IDK, whatever normal sharks do, but bigger. Except then humans had to come down and explore/invade, because we are dirty stinking colonialists. Naturally, some Megs had come up to the surface and teach homo suckiens a lesson by eating a whole bunch of us. 

it's what she deserves

Same, Meg, same! We are a bad species! Humans have elaborate multi-level marketing schemes, Donald Trump, and people who think Benedict Cumberbatch is hot. Does the Meg have those things? No. Case closed.

If I saw Jason Statham out and about, I would chase him, too! It would be to tell him how much of a masterpiece Crank: High Voltage is, and not to eat him, but I’m not going to kinkshame the Meg, because she is a strong woman/series of women and I respect her too much.

More The Meg spoilers, minor but exceedingly important: You may have noticed a dog in the trailer. The dog's name is Pippin. Pippin lives. The Meg will take out humans without compunction—WE ARE IN THEIR TERRITORY, LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONE—but when it comes to dogs, the Meg realizes that they are good and pure and must never be harmed.

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