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Credit: Simon Pulse

Chosen One of the Day: The murder skate from R.L. Stine's Broken Hearts

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Feb 13, 2020, 10:40 AM EST (Updated)

For many of us, R.L. Stine was our gateway into horror, thanks to his Goosebumps and Fear Street series. Within the Fear Street line was Fear Street Super Chillers, which was like Fear Street BUT EXTRA MURDERY. And, I must tell you, that was my sh*t. And nothing was more my sh*t than the Fear Street Super Chillers book Broken Hearts. It had murder. It had horseback riding. It had a girl wearing a wig pretending to be her sister and stabbing herself with a letter opener. But most importantly of all it had...murder skate.

So. Erica is 14 and like most 14-year-olds is a murderer. That's a spoiler, it's a big twist because the murderer has red hair and Erica doesn't, it's a real shocker because, holy eff, a wig. ANYWAY. She is mad that one of her older twin sisters had a horse accident and has brain damage and she has to take care of her by herself because other twin is useless and parents are...not pertinent to this teen book I guess. So she does what any reasonable person would do and just starts killing everyone while wearing a red wig. She also becomes a poet. Look at this art:

Violets are blue
Roses are red
On Valentine's Day,
Josie will be dead.

Regular Neruda over here.

But the finest of her kills is stabbing her own sister in the back with an ice skate. Please, let us break this down. Ice skates, while sharp-ish, are not sharp enough to pierce human flesh without a LOT of force and effort LET ALONE go full murder-murder-kill-kill. SUCH IS THE RAGE OF THE NOW 16-YEAR-OLD ERICA, I think (the timeline of this book is wild). And she still has time to pen perfect poetry like:

Flowers mean funerals
Flowers mean death.
On Valentine's Day,
You'll take your last breath.

This girl is an icon. A murder baby icon. But every poet needs its muse and that muse is this murder skate. My muse is now this murder skate. Happy Galentine's Day to this murder skate. ALL HAIL THE MURDER SKATE. 

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