Chosen One of the Day: The one time David Duchovny saved the world with shampoo

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Mar 26, 2021, 5:00 PM EDT (Updated)

If you're looking for an actor with a proven track record of saving the world from the scourge of the alien menace, you'll be hard-pressed to find someone with a longer resume than David Duchovny.

Okay, maybe Will Smith might give him a run for his money, but while I would happily put The X-Files up against Men in Black any day of the week, the true standout entry, the thing that sets Duchovny on a pedestal of his very own … is that one time he saved us all with a fire truck full of shampoo.

And not just any shampoo. Head & Shoulders.

You see, in 2001, Duchovny starred in a little movie called Evolution in which he plays a scientist who was laughed out of the military and mainstream science for his crackpot theories. Naturally, he gets his revenge when a meteor crashes near his university and he's the only one who recognizes the alien threat for what it is. He is joined in his endeavors by Julianne Moore and Orlando Jones, because every white male hero needs a sidekick and a love interest.

Also, Stiffler from American Pie is in it. He plays a wannabe firefighter who saves a mall with karaoke, because there is only one David Duchovny, but sometimes we spread the heroics around.

The climax of the film, though, is a piece of cinematic brilliance if there ever was one. In a deus ex machina to end all, Duchovny discovers that, of course, the aliens' ultimate poison is a simple, commonly occurring chemical. They do virtually no testing to confirm this, other than literally just pointing at a periodic table, but there is no time for scientific testing when the fate of the world is at stake! No, instead they fill a fire truck full of hundreds of gallons of Head & Shoulders shampoo and give the giant alien blob creature a massive, sudsy enema.

You're welcome, world.

NOTE: While Duchovny is certainly meant to be the hero here, we can't help but notice that Jones is the one who actually has to go ankle-deep into the alien sphincter. 

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