In 1997, MTV premiered Sifl & Olly, a talk show of sorts hosted by sock puppets (played by Matt Crocco and Liam Lynch). It was perfect and great. But one episode changed our lives. This episode and the song within shattered everything we thought we knew about presumably gentle creatures, courtesy of recurring guest Deuce Loosely (Lynch).
This is not a rebel song. This is ...The Panda.
I thought pandas were so cute, a perfect stuffed animal for any child's bedroom. Now we know the truth: "The pandas are coming, to rip off your head. The pandas are coming on a rampage of the dead."
I feel like such a fool to have for so long believed in this adorable propaganda!
"Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth which it uses like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences. The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summons Godzilla. I'm drunk on panda mystery."
Color me wasted, Deuce. Wasted on panda mystery. I am all about snuggly fuzzy wuzzy bear friends but I'm way more interested in precious murder bears. Getchu a bear who can do both. Long live the panda.