Chosen One of the Day: Timothy Dalton in Flash Gordon

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May 3, 2018, 10:40 AM EDT

In the 1980 remake of Flash Gordon, Brian Blessed is the MVP—because he wears a leather bikini with wings and yells DIE a lot in his big, booming Brian Blessed voice, and really, that’s all one can ever want from a movie. But never let it be said that your friendly neighborhood FANGRRLS are ones to ignore a thirst trap. And so, we must talk about Timothy Dalton.

In Flash Gordon, Dalton plays Prince Barin, who… look, I could go into his place in Emperor Ming’s (Max von Sydow) court here, or his rivalry with Prince Vultan (Blessed) or how he begrudgingly becomes one of Flash Gordon’s (Sam J. Jones) greatest allies. There's also his on-again, off-again relationship with Princess Aura (Ornella Muti), who has the universe's best and/or worst taste in headbands. But instead, I’m just going to say “f*ckboy Robin Hood in space” and let your imaginations take you where they will.

I didn’t see Flash Gordon until I was an adult, but I guarantee you that if I had been subjected to its neon-tinged batsh*ttery as a pre-pubescent baby Rebecca, Prince Barin would have been a key part of my sexual awakening. He’s a bit of a scoundrel without being a complete jackass. OK, he tries to kill Flash Gordon one or two or maybe three times, but have you seen Flash Gordon? He's kind of a frat boy douche.

If given the choice, would you rather wake up every morning looking at blondie's hat hair and his stupid muscle shirt? Or would you rather have:

  • The cape
  • The 'stache
  • The swagger

...that only THIS MAN can provide you?


Let your heart point you in the direction of the only real choice.

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