So this morning, we woke up and checked Twitter, as is our way, being the hip social media mavens we are. Lean in, ladies, amirite?! Anyway, we're perusing the trending topics and — why, look at that! — Mario Kart and Toad are trending! We love that game! We love Toad!
So we inquired no further because, obviously, there are no untoward icky reasons these things could be trending. It's probably just National Play Mario Kart as Toad Day, or maybe Ezra Miller put on his fancy Comic-Con outfit again. Certainly no need to click anything or look beyond the existence of a common trending topic and search term!
You know what? I bet I know why it's trending. Because he's just so CUTE. With his little non-suggestive appearance that could in no way be used to describe something otherwise unsavory, even horrifying. What a specific thing I just said! LOL I'M SO RANDOM!
Honestly, I'm so happy Toad is getting what I'm sure is his due. This plucky guy with tiny little baby hands and a can-do spirit, he totally deserves to be what I'm sure is celebrated and lauded today, again, I have no idea whatsoever, I cannot make it clear enough that I did not look into why this game and character are trending, only that I am 100 percent certain it has nothing to do with a penis. Again, why did I say that? That's a weird thing to say.
OK, fine, I guess I'll click. It can't be that ba...OH GOD NO.
Update: Let's just all agree to stay off the internet for the rest of our lives, k?