Chosen One of the Day: Torgo from Manos: The Hands of Fate

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Apr 19, 2018, 1:13 PM EDT (Updated)

Since it appeared in one of the most beloved episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 of all time, Manos: The Hands of Fate has amassed something of a cult following. And like any good cult, said following ignores some pretty important elements in pursuit of their cultdom. Mainly, that this is not a terrible-in-a-fun-way kind of movie. It hurts and it aches and to call it ploddingly slow would only be accurate if you watched it on fast-forward. This thing HURTS. It is some rough rough stuff and that is why we as viewers must take our bright spots where we can and nowhere in this darkgrossbad movie is there a brighter spot than Torgo.

With his jaunty chapeau, thicc thighs for days, and eyebrows that could make any Instagram model swoon — he's Torgo! His eyes are as deep as his knees are monstrous — he's Torgo! He's the clown that makes the dark side fun — Torgo!

Sure, his moves are a tad clumsy, but that's just part of the Torgo package.

Credit: Shout Factory

I mean, don't you feel like a special pretty lady? Just...just...just hold on, you've got something right...yes right there...oh yes that's the spot. Oh Torgo, you're incorrigible.

And, sure, his methods of letting a girl know he finds her attractive are a bit unconventional. Such is Torgo!

Sigh. Look. He's a f-cking creepshow and we all know it. This movie is an existential nightmare and the only thing it can give us is sweet knee action, and, dammit, I'm not here to turn it down. 


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