(WARNING: THIS RECAP CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE WAYWARD PINES EPISODE "TIME WILL TELL.")
Previously on Wayward Pines ... Theresa Burke died. Yay! Abbies are amassing around the town and everyone else is gonna die too, probably. Boo.
Now on Wayward Pines ... CJ's super depressing past is revealed, Doctor Theo Yedlin gets himself an abby girlfriend, and everyone else acts like an idiot.
Last episode was uneventful, this week is even uneventfuller. There's nary a wacky Arlene scene in sight! Sigh ... who's ready for the shortest recap ever?
- While everyone else was sleeping, CJ was waking up every 20 years to make sure everything was still on schedule. By "on schedule," I mean "the world was ending as Pilcher predicted." It was. With no one to talk with, CJ fills the time playing chess with the ghost of his dead wife (upbeat!), dusting the sleep pods (uplifting!) and meeting/subsequently killing a dude who turns out to be a proto-abby (up yours!). When enough time has passed, CJ wakes up Pilcher and the gang, but Pilcher's mad that abbies exist and have a settlement, so he trails of tears the abbies out of there. Which we already knew from last episode.
- Meanwhile, Doctor Theo Yedlin MD and Megan Fisher are hanging out in their creepy abby basement of doom. Theo has this idea that he can teach the female maybe-leader abby, "Margaret," how to understand the basics of the English language. Even though this is the only idea anyone has to prevent the abbies from invading and killing everyone, everyone treats Theo like he is a crazy person. Well, everyone except for Margaret, who concludes that Theo is humanity's leader.
- Jason shows up to tell Theo that he's a dummy dumb with a dumb face, but Theo counters by letting himself get attacked by one of the male abbies. Smooth move, ex-lax. Jason gets mad, decides he's done listening to Theo and starts shooting up all the abbies in the doom basement. Kerry convinces Jason not to kill Margaret on account of she's literally the only bargaining chip they have left. Then Theo also leaves because @#$ everything, he is tired.
- Margaret figures out how to escape her cage and, while Megan is busy looking at a computer screen, Margaret somehow manages to slice open Megan's leg. Megan doesn't notice because she's paralyzed, I guess? But also, how did she not notice a snarly, starey lady beast creeping up? Whatever, Megan bleeds a bunch and passes out.
That's it. That's the whole episode. Three more to go. Maybe one of them can be about Theo stubbing his toe with a subplot where everyone eats Wayward Vines for an hour. C'mon, show -- get it together!
- Well, at least someone out there remembered they cast Djimon Hounsou and gave us a CJ-heavy episode. Watching him pass the time wasn't the most plot-driven story in history, but at least now I feel for the guy. Man, what a bummer, though. CJ is so on board with building a new world that he allows himself to get stuck being the janitor for the apocalypse. I hope he at least got dental with that.
- For some reason as the episodes get more boring, Dr. Theo Yedlin MD gets more interesting. I spent the front end of this season being really annoyed that he was the de facto lead, but he's really coming into his own now. Of course it doesn't hurt that he seems to be the only sane character on the show at the moment. Speaking of which ...
- Jason was developing into a genuinely sympathetic antagonist, but the more he just sticks with the status quo, the more robotic and the less relatable he becomes. There's only so many weeks in a row that Jason can yell and storm off with option for murder before he's gone full Joffrey.
- Another week, another plotline where a major character thinks humanity was better off going extinct. Dear Wayward Pines, give us a reason to believe; other than because Arlene exists, I mean.
- NO ARLENE THIS WEEK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHOW?!
- Literally nothing wacky happens in this episode
- I guess CJ cleaning Pilcher's cryo-tube was kinda funny.
Two episodes ago, things were going so well. What happened? Wayward Pines needs to get invaded by abbies, stat, so Arlene can save the day and ride off with Doctor Theo Yedlin MD into the sunset as god intended. Get it together, show!