(A post about the best lines from a character in Stranger Things will contain spoilers for Stranger Things. You have been warned.)
There are a lot of questions that need answering in Stranger Things' second season. What happened to Eleven? Will she and Mike ever make it happen? What's up with Hopper and the Eggos? Why is Will barfing up worms? Will there be justice for Barb? Spoilers for that last one: no. There won't be justice for Barb, and people care a little too much about that.
The biggest question of all, though, is this: WHAT GREAT, EXCELLENT, WONDERFUL, AND PERFECT THING WILL DUSTIN SAY NEXT?
There's a lot of arguing that could happen about whether Dustin is the best character on Stranger Things. but most of us can probably agree that Dustin gets the best lines (and that Gaten Matarazzo has the most excellent skills to say them). And so, with Season 2 out in the world, here are the Dustin quotes we liked best. Feel free to add your own.
"That's right, she will not be able to resist these pearls."
Dustin's lack of teeth was pretty noticeable during season one. And adorable! So how to cope with sprouting some permateeth? Lean into it, obviously. Talk about those teeth constantly. Give 'em a nickname like "these pearls" and always puncutate said nickname with a cat purr.
"Presumptuous. That's a good thing, right? Is it a bad thing? Lucas? Son of a bitch, is it a bad thing?"
The King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson, once remarked that the meaning of words don't always matter as much as how the way those words feel when you hear them. So, yeah, Dustin, presumptuous is totally a good thing.
"Sorry, Yurtle. Temporary eviction, buddy."
So many characters got full arcs. Even Dart, the baby monster from the parallel universe gets an arc! So let's all just assume that Yurtle the Turtle, the dude who gave up his home so Dart could grow into a cat-eater, will get a storyline in season 3. There could be like, some ooze, and a secret related to said ooze. Think it over, Duffer Bros.
"I am on a curiosity voyage and I need my paddles to travel. These books... these books are my paddles. I NEED MY PADDLES!"
Librarians are always on kids for not reading. Right? They definitely were in 1984, I can tell you that. And so is the case with our favorite librarian who Hopper didn't call back last season -- she just doesn't want to give Dustin the books! Dustin needs those books. He needs 'em! For... paddling. They're wood books. Or this metaphor needs tinkering.
"How do I know he's not a lizard? His face opened up and he ate my cat."
The greatness of this quote is self evident. It's important to know, though, that I'm writing this on International Cat Day. In fact, my cat is watching me write at this very moment. Good thing there aren't any monsters around, otherwise Claudius Maxiumus Aurelius Rex I would be biting it. Literally getting bit. To death.
"Demogorgon. Dog. Demodogs. It's a play on words. It's like a compound you put 'em together. It sounds pretty bad ass."
Hopper thinks taking the time to name the baby Demogorgon is a waste of time. But, friend, I say this: the very moment we abandon our willingness to discover new words through the power of portmanteau is the very moment we descend into chaos. You're doing god's work, Dustin. Thank you for your service.
"I could eat a whole bowl of nougat."
Same, Dustin. Same.