The age-old question of "are we alone in the universe?" has been kinda answered by none other than former CIA employee, Edward Snowden. According to his recently-published memoir, Permanent Record, the United States government has never made contact with extra-terrestrial life. At least not that he could find.
"For the record, as far as I could tell, aliens have never contacted Earth, or at least they haven't contacted U.S. intelligence," writes Snowden, who was forced to flee the country in 2013 after leaking sensitive revelations about top secret NSA surveillance programs to the American public. At the time, he had been serving as a contractor for the agency.
Edward later elaborated on his otherworldly findings (or lack thereof) during a guest appearance on this week's episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, adding:
"I know, Joe, I know you want there to be aliens. I know Neil deGrasse Tyson badly wants there to be aliens. And there probably are, right? But the idea that we're hiding them — if we are hiding them — I had ridiculous access to the networks of the NSA, the CIA, the military, all these groups. I couldn't find anything. So if it's hidden, and it could be hidden, it's hidden really damn well, even from people who are on the inside."
To the good folks who stormed Area 51 last month to "see them aliens," please accept our deepest condolences.
Snowden's book also tackles the popular conspiracy theory that America faked the Apollo 11 moon landing in 1969. If you believed that Stanley Kubrick directed the historical event on a sound stage somewhere in Hollywood, we have more bad news for you, dear reader. As Edward puts it in Permanent Record:
"In case you were wondering: Yes, man really did land on the moon. Climate change is real. Chemtrails are not a thing."
Now a wanted fugitive, Snowden currently resides in Moscow where the Russian government provides him asylum.