How stone cold would you have to be to issue a warrant for Elsa’s arrest, or splash her mugshot on wanted posters to be nailed to the internet’s darkest doors? How frozen could your heart truly be to go on a ruthless global hunt to put a Disney princess behind bars?
So frozen, apparently, that you’re beyond ready for warmer weather to come along. So cold, in fact, that you’re ready to just … let it go.
Aggrieved by the frigid spell that’s gripped much of the United States, the police department in Seymour, Indiana, reached the perfectly sensible conclusion that its source must be magical. So they took the necessary steps.
The department made up a wanted poster for the criminally cold weather’s number-one suspect, and circulated the bill on Facebook in the hope of a quick apprehension — and a quick end to all the cold ...
Given the seriousness of the offense, the department’s accompanying explanation seems startlingly lighthearted, but hey — they’re professionals, and they have their methods. If their chase brings back the warmth, we’ll gladly pull to the side of the road to let the blue lights pass.
"Seymour Police Department is requesting the public's help in serving a warrant issued for Queen Elsa," the department wrote. "If you have any information on her location please contact us as soon as possible; we are freezing! As our search continues we request citizens of Seymour bundle up, check on your out door animals, and drive with extreme caution! Thank you all, and have a safe evening!"
That was on Jan. 4, and the princess-hunt was on. Two days went by, and the department still gave no word on how the investigation was progressing. Then, on Jan. 6, law and order finally prevailed: The police, it turns out, had tracked down and questioned Elsa — who cooperatively pointed them in the direction of the obvious suspect:
Thought you’d get away with it, eh, Prince Hans? And you might have, too, if not for those pesky police and their meddling informant.
“Through this extensive investigation we have discovered Prince Hans to actually be the person responsible for recent events,” gloated the department. “With YOUR help, Officers with the Seymour Police Department executed a warrant today placing Prince Hans under arrest! Hans faces preliminary charges of Criminal Confinement, False Informing, as well as the unlawful manipulation of Elsa in an attempt to overthrow Arendelle.”
As for Elsa? After questioning, she was released, of course — after pledging “through love she will be working to return conditions to manageable temperatures.”