Ah, The Goonies. A movie you will only love if you saw it as a kid.
Here's a quick test to see if that movie you loved as a wee child isn't as good as your nostalgia has tricked you into believing it is.
- Step one: Find someone who has not seen your favorite kids' movie and is presently an adult.
- Step two: Show them that movie and see if they like it or not.
- Step three: Repeat steps one and two because you take testing scientific hypotheses seriously.
I have done this with The Goonies many times in my life and based on my findings I can tell you -- The Goonies is actually pretty terrible. I know, the truth hurts. But, here, have a video that goes over some of the particulars.
Granted, some of the badness described within those eight minutes is what many of us would describe as charming. But, really, this movie is very, very dumb. Even when I was 8 years old I didn't think those pirate jewels would be enough to prevent a bunch of Reaganites from buying out the goon docks. But I was a jaded kid who was never spellbound by the notion of trickle-down economics, so there you go.
Final note -- it's hilarious that a movie with shootouts, violence against children and cursing was ever purposefully aimed at kids. It was a different time.
(Whatever. This movie is and always will be awesome. CinemaSins can walk the plank. - Ed.)