Fantastic Feasts: Penta-graham Crackers

Contributed by
Sep 12, 2018, 3:00 PM EDT

I love baking but I hate dishes — which is why, whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by the pile in my sink, I like to whip up these demon-summoning penta-graham crackers and trap myself a good minion (or two) to clean up my mess.

Made from a heady blend of spices with just a touch of sweet, these light and crispy treats are a hybrid cross between cracker and cookie. Feeling a little more savory? Leave off the icing and serve them with a sliced apple or two. Want a little more sweet? Drizzle them with lemon icing and watch them disappear like magic.

Sure, the sigils might say hell, but the taste is all heaven.

For this recipe you will need:

  • ½ teaspoon ginger
  • ½ teaspoon ground Allspice
  • ½ teaspoon baking soda
  • ½ teaspoon ground cloves
  • ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • ¼ cup brown sugar, firmly packed
  • 1 Tablespoon ground cinnamon
  • ½ cup white baking sugar
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 cup butter, room temperature

For the icing you will need:

  • 1 Tablespoon lemon juice
  • 4 Tablespoons powdered sugar

You will also need:

  • Parchment paper (not waxed)
  • A cookie sheet
  • Two circular cookie cutters (or two round drinking glasses) one larger than the other
  • A butter knife
  • A rolling pin
  • A Ziplock bag or small tipped pastry bag

Preheat your oven to 350F/176C.

Cream together your butter, brown and white sugar until light and fluffy. Slowly add in the rest of your dry ingredients. 

You should end up with a thick, slightly sticky dough that holds together well when squeezed.

Sandwich your dough between two large pieces of parchment paper. 

Using your rolling pin, roll out your dough until it’s roughly ¼” thick.

Take the larger of your two circular cookie cutters (or drinking glass if using that) and use it to cut out perfect circles in your dough.

Then, using the smaller circular cookie cutter (or drinking glass) press the edge into the center of your cut circles, making sure to press down the dough but NOT cut all the way through. 

You want to create a ring-like appearance without actually cutting through the dough with the smaller glass.

Peel away the excess dough from around the edges of your cut dough circles. 

Now, using the DULL SIDE of your butter knife, gently press a pentagram into your cookie dough, making sure you go deep enough to leave an impression but not so deep as to cut through the graham all the way.

Place your newly scribed penta-grahams onto your baking sheet and pop into the oven for 12-15 minutes or until crispy. The grahams will spread a bit as you cook, so be sure to leave a little room between edges to prevent sticking.

Allow your grahams to cool on a wire rack.

To make the icing:

Drizzle the lemon juice over your powdered sugar and mix well. Transfer to your pastry bag (or Ziplock bag with a corner cut off) and use to ice your grahams.

Please note these cookies are meant only to banish hunger and not meant to actually call forth any demons unless you plan on making them do menial tasks around your kitchen. 

In that case, I would suggest surrounding the plate at all times with a circle of unbroken salt.

*No virgins were harmed in the making of this recipe.

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