Chosen One of the Day: Gary Gnu

Contributed by
Feb 8, 2017

We're living in some strange times. A time when "fake news" is an actual epidemic, journalists are under attack from some formerly unlikely foes, and school librarians are teaching kids how to identify real news. But you know who wouldn't have a problem with any of this? Gary. Gnu.

If you grew up in the '80s, chances are pretty solid you started your mornings with one of the greatest kids' shows in history, The Great Space Coaster. TGSC was co-created by Kermit Love, who also happened to be one of the original builders for Jim Henson, and was the man behind a number of Sesame Street's most famous characters.. The show was about three singers who were brought to an asteroid called Coasterville by a clown named Baxter, which probably wasn't the best way to teach kids not to get into vehicles with strangers dressed like clowns. But I digress.

Coasterville was inhabited by a bunch of wacky characters like Goriddle Gorilla, Knock Knock and Gary Gnu, who was the anchor of his own show The Gary Gnu Show, where "Gno gnews is good gnews." His crew was his live studio audience who pretty much lived to heckle and play practical jokes on him.

Gary, who I'm 99.9% sure is Ron Burgundy's fashion icon, had one goal: to make sure he never covered anything that even remotely resembled news or useful information. Instead, he focused only on people doing ridiculous things, weird sporting events and wacky inventions.

It's Gary's commitment to non-news that makes him a hero, because decades ago he had the foresight to know that facts and information had no place in journalism. It's high time Gary comes out of retirement, gets himself behind the anchor desk and gives the people the gno gnews they demand. In fact, maybe he can have one of those fancy new 'Skype seats' in the White House briefing room. Wait, even better, make him the press secretary. I hear the job may be opening up soon.

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