For a limited time only!
The people of Florida are a gift to the rest of the world. Just when we think they can't possibly surprise us again, bam, time-travel bicycle for sale on Craigslist!
A real marvel of future science . This device is capable of traveling different dimensions and time periods. Endorsed by Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein. This here is not an ordinary bike by any means. It breaks my heart even considering posting this time traveling machine on Craigslist. This technology comes with great power, so it must be handled with great responsibility. I will only sell this machine to whoever can prove themselves worthy of obtaining such power. I have seen the dark face of humanity as I traveled to the year 3017. I cannot explain the gruesome end that our children’s children will face. I was not powerful enough to stop the evil, so that’s why I am selling this machine. I want to be 100% sure that the next owner has what it takes to save the human race. I have had a lot of adventures with this machine, and I have met a lot of history’s most influential figures, but the real purpose of this time machine is to save humanity. I will be waiting for the next rider of time to come forth. Come ready with a good proposal of why you are worthy enough. Basic bike riding skills a MUST!!!
Only a thousand smackers? For time travel and a chance to save humanity from a dark and dystopian future? Why, that's a steal!
And just in case you think this time bike might not be strictly on the up and up, please note -- it's endorsed by both Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein. If this bicycle can't help you dance the alinear temporal shuffle, then how can it be supported by famous geniuses from two distinct time periods?
We'd pick this up ourselves, but, shockingly, no one at Blastr knows how to ride a bike. But fingers crossed that some paradox-preventing training wheels will become available soon.