Guy takes LSD, attacks car with a sword while dressed as an elf. NO BIG DEAL.

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May 23, 2014, 8:18 AM EDT (Updated)

Elves are real! Really high, that is. 

There is no shame in live-action roleplaying. What you and your friends lightning bolt in the privacy of your own forest is your business. What happens in LARP Vegas stays in LARP Vegas.

Unless you drop acid and attack some nice lady's BMW. Then you will be reported to the Internet. And also the cops.

Portland police received a a 911 call on Tuesday morning for exactly that reason. The woman in distress believed that there was a pirate of some sort engaging her automobile in a sword duel. Read that sentence again -- the reality was weirder than that.

When the police approached the presumed seafaring maruader, Konrad Bass, he corrected them, allegedly claiming he was actually a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth."

Just to clarify two points -- one,  Morgoth is the original Dark Lord and Master of Sauron from The Lord of the Rings, and, two, Mr. Bass was incredibly high.

Bass was apprehended for criminal mischief and taken to a hospital, but not before leaving several puncture wounds in the car he was attacking.

But don't worry, Bass expained himself admirably, saying, "I wasn't in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears. I hopped on her hood and tried to pierce her tires with my master sword. I was trying to prove a point. Don't mess with a dark elf."

Truly, a chilling warning best heeded by cars everywhere.

(via Gawker)

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