I for one welcome our new Squirrel Overlords

Contributed by
Jan 27, 2009

Squirrels. I can see the raw intelligence in their eyes when they torment my dog, Canis Minor, staying just out of reach. Or when they calculate trajectories and ballistics, jumping from tree to tree, going through trigonometric geometries in their heads, perhaps even solving n-dimensional manifolds almost literally on the fly.

My proof?

See that? See it? Today was colder than the time I took the Squirrel Wavelength photograph. That means lower energy, and the squirrels, with lower energy, can't jump as far. The Squirrel Wavelength is shorter. But in quantum mechanics, lower energy means longer wavelengths.

One of them, Sciurus sapiens,
mentally disassembling the
Theory of Relativity.
The conclusion is obvious: squirrels have disproven quantum mechanics.

All our technology is based on QM: digital cameras, store scanners, even the machines that make M&Ms.

We're toast.

What's next? Gravity? String theory? Is there no limit to what these rodents can do?

Today, my fence. Tomorrow, the LHC.

Squirrel picture from Wikipedia, under the Creative Commons license.

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