If you're a zombie hoping to keep kosher ... you're out of luck!

Contributed by
Dec 15, 2012

Think back to all the hypothetical zombie apocalypse conversations you've ever had (and don't try to pretend like it doesn't happen). Did any of them involve religious dietary considerations? If Jewish corpses rise from the grave to feast upon the flesh of the living, can they do it while keeping kosher?

According to people in the know (namely, Jewish people), no, they can't. Sorry, undead rabbis.

Jewish blogger Matthue Roth tackled the question after his friend, Haven comics writer Ashley-Jayne Nicolaus, posed the following:

"Long story short, a friend of mine moved to a new place next to a really really old Jewish cemetery - so that got us thinking, if the zombie apocalypse were to happen, are brains kosher? Inquiring minds need to know..."

Roth hit the books and came up with an answer:

"In order for any animal to be kosher, it has to have cloven hooves and chew its cud. So basically, if you're a kosher zombie, you are screwed."

And zombies aren't the only ones. Kosher vampires are also screwed:

"One additional consideration: Kosher vampires are screwed as well. In the process of making meat kosher, the animal's body has to be completely drained of blood. So you know how, on Buffy, when Angel and Spike became good guys (or impotent), they had to drink the blood of animals? (Just kidding. You don't actually need to know that.) Animal blood is out, too."

There you have it. If you're Jewish and looking for a future life as an undead creature (to seduce teenage girls or fight with Ving Rhames or something), you'll have to either convert or starve.

(via My Jewish Learning)

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