"Let the King of the Seven Seas swim into the deepest darkest depths of your downstairs today!"
That is how the AquaMoan silicon dildo is described by Geeky Sex Toys. The gold and green item, colored exactly like Aquaman's iconic outfit, is just under 8 inches long and, of course, 100% waterproof. It’s one of many geek-themed sex toys that can be purchased on the website. If you're a lover of geek fandom, good sex, and top-notch puns, the team at Geeky Sex Toys have you covered. There's the Dildek, for you Doctor Who fans, or the Infinity Fist for all those Thanos fanciers. Thor lovers can bring the hammer down with Möan-lnir, and Hand Solo will... well, we'll let you figure that out. Delightfully, many of these products are priced at $69.
They’re not the only ones blazing this geeky filthy trail. Take a browse around Etsy and you'll find items as varied as TARDIS-themed clitoral clamps, Cthulhu-themed dildos, and, of course, an eggplant emoji vibrator.
For large swaths of the population, sex toys are something to keep hidden away in the closet — ugly lumps of plastic and silicon that still carry the stain of shame. They’re the items you quietly order online or go to the back of the lingerie shop, behind the curtain, to purchase. When Sex and the City dedicated one episode to the Rampant Rabbit, it was headline news with some claiming the boundary-pushing series was once again taking it too far. Sex, in general, is something to be kept behind closed doors, a topic that, despite all our societal progress, is not for candid and public consumption. Combine that with good old-fashioned misogyny and homophobia keeping female and queer pleasure to the margins and it feels safe to say change hasn’t happened as quickly as we would have liked it to.
Sex is also seen as its own thing, an act separate from our other hobbies and interests. Combining the two becomes a topic of scorn and mockery. Think of how many times you’ve seen a movie or TV show poke fun at a couple doing roleplay or dressing up for their own satisfaction. Remember the episode of Friends where Ross’s Slave Leia fantasy was the height of comedic lunacy? Then again, we still deal with the “sexless nerd” stereotype today so this should be no surprise.
So it’s safe to say that sex and geekdom remain poles apart in the public consciousness. Fortunately, there are people and amazing independent businesses out there working to change that. The team at Geeky Sex Toys are one of many companies leading the way. The founders Emma and Josh were inspired to get started when they went looking for a product they had assumed would already exist but came up short.
"When we initially thought of the idea [a lightsaber dildo] we just assumed somebody else would already be selling them, or something similar. So after a bit of research, we were amazed nobody else had done something even remotely like it. From there I took a day off work. Went out and bought some clay and sculpting tools, and sculpted up the first prototype for our first product. It was, of course, awful because I’d never created anything like it before. Emma found it extremely amusing. But it was a point in which we could improve. So I took another day off work, and finally got something that looked good enough to sell. Made a mold and cast our first silicone product. We then spent the weekend drinking wine, creating a website and by the end of the weekend we had a website and a product."
It does seem strange that, in our ever-twisted age of Rule 34 and the joys it brings, there wouldn’t already be a lightsaber dildo. Half the fun in geeky sex toys comes from that flush of satisfaction you get when that dirty joke you made in your head every-time you saw something remotely phallic looking on-screen comes true. For the team at Geeky Sex Toys, what they do is as much designed to get people talking as it is to bring pleasure. Yes, the concept of a unicorn horn dildo may make you laugh instinctively, but that’s not a bad thing, nor are you discouraged from laughing further.
“I think the most valuable thing we do is help start a conversation around that topic. When people realize the products we make are actually real, it just jolts their understanding and allows them to let in the possibility that sex doesn’t have to be 100% serious, or that a sex toy doesn’t have to be flesh colored/phallic shaped and that they can embrace their true personality whilst engaging in sexual activities.”
The most obvious purpose of such toys is to fulfill a fantasy. As we’ve discussed before in our pieces on erotic horror and the allure of beastly romantic heroes, it’s crucial that we have the freedom and safe space to explore our desires in a controlled and consensual manner. Literature can be a gateway, films can be the realization, and sexual aids can be the tools. Tentacle porn, for example, may be the topic of many a joke, but it's a real kink for some people and what better way to safely explore that than with a toy? The Geeky Sex Toys team keenly understand this:
"By normalizing something like a tentacle dildo we kind of help normalize the fantasy surrounding that toy I suppose. If regular folk can just see a tentacle dildo and accept it, they’ll also start to accept the fantasies that come with that. Bad Dragon [the award-winning sex toy company] have been doing that incredibly well for a long time with dragon and tentacle toys."
Sex shouldn’t be limited by societal demands or its dishearteningly archaic decrees of what is “right” and what is “wrong,” nor should it be considered an activity completely disconnected from the other parts of our lives that define us. Ideas of power, humor, transformation, and basic human desire can and should be explored in creative ways, so why not have the right tools for the right occasion?