In 1997 and 1998, two films were unleashed on unsuspecting audiences, both titled Jack Frost and both telling the tale of a man who dies in a car accident and spends his afterlife as a sentient quipping snowman. The two alarmingly have a lot in common given that one is a family holiday drama and the other is a terrible (maybe on purpose? I legitimately can't tell) horror comedy (?) featuring one of the most problematic played-for-laughs scenes I've ever seen in a horror comedy (?). I promise to spend as little time discussing that as possible. Because there's just so much more to unpack in these very strange films.
Let's start with the differences.
Jack Frost (1998) features both Henry Rollins and a Lawrence brother.
Jack Frost (1997) features a child, who is clearly way too old for this nonsense, making his father oatmeal with cookies, candy, and antifreeze in it.
Jack Frost (1998) features the dulcet tones of a deeply Sun-Inned Michael Keaton.
Jack Frost (1997) features a woman being decorated to death.
Jack Frost (1998) was originally written to star George Clooney, who turned it down in favor of Batman and Robin, so they cast a different Batman.
Jack Frost (1997) features a seductive long-underwear striptease.
Jack Frost (1998) features this bit of dialogue that might be worse than the dialogue in Jack Frost (1997), and that is saying something.
Jack Frost (1997) features a man vomiting up our title character.
Jack Frost (1998) features three Zappas and multiple Mr. Show cast members.
Jack Frost (1997) features a woman standing completely normally, like how people stand.
Jack Frost (1998) features the world's saddest snowman-building scene set to "Landslide."
*talks really fast* And Jack Frost (1997) features a scene in which Shannon Elizabeth's character is raped to death with a carrot, I AM SO SORRY. I PROMISE THIS IS THE ONLY MENTION OF THIS SCENE IN THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE.
ANYWAY MOVING ON PLEASE THANKS.
Both feature a lead character named Jack Frost who becomes a snow man. Obvs.
Both films feature a main character's son getting bullied by older kids in specifically snow-related ways.
Both films feature moms having sink issues.
Both feature the title character being threatened with a hair dryer.
Both feature quips FOR DAYS.
And both, somehow, feature snowtitties.
Also, you have zero reason to see either one of these, especially now as I have done it for you and ruined an entire day for myself. Happy holidays, everyone! Make better choices than I do!