Love is a lie.
In January, we reported on the wedded bliss of Amanda Teague, a 45-year-old Jack Sparrow impersonator, and a 300-year-old Haitian pirate ghost. They were happy. They were in love. He was keeping her happy in the bedroom, getting spectral and sex-tral. But, nothing gold (like doubloons) can stay.
"So I feel it’s time to let everyone know that my marriage is over," Amanda stated on social media. "I will explain all in due course but for now all I want to say is be VERY careful when dabbling in spirituality, it’s not something to mess with...”
Divorce is a bitch, man. Admittedly, there were red flags. Chiefly, he wasn't that into the idea of marriage, maybe because he was already married to the sea. And also dead. It's 50-50 really.
Loved-up Jack — who is so powerful he can make lights flicker and turn on stereos — proposed two years later after being presented with an ultimatum by Amanda.
She said: “I told him I wasn’t really cool with having casual sex with a spirit and I wanted us to make a proper commitment to each other.
“If I am going to be in a long-term relationship with somebody I have the right to be married."
Oh, girl. If you have to make him marry you and also he's a ghost, he's just not that into you. And also a ghost.