How to earn $165,000 for dressing up like a zombie

Contributed by
Dec 14, 2012, 4:31 PM EST

Zombies are stronger than you, they're faster than you, they're hungrier than you. They'll try to eat your flesh, because they're meaner than you. And thanks to a settlement from the city of Minneapolis, seven of them are now richer than you to the tune of $165,000.

No, we're not pulling your leg—and it's not because we're afraid it will come off in our hands. In actuality, these zombies were performance artists, staggering down the aisles of a grocery store to protest "mindless consumerism." But they didn't get very far, even with functional, non-leprous legs, because "they were arrested and jailed for two days for dressing up like zombies."

According to this Star Tribune article:

When arrested at the intersection of Hennepin Avenue and 6th Street N., most of them had thick white powder and fake blood on their faces and dark makeup around their eyes. They were walking in a stiff, lurching fashion and carrying four bags of sound equipment to amplify music from an iPod when they were arrested by police who said they were carrying equipment that simulated "weapons of mass destruction."

But worse than mindless consumerism is the fact that the Undead Seven were never charged with a crime.

So after four long years and much legal back-and-forthing, the court decided that they were arrested without probable cause. In other words, the police should have known these protesters weren't the undead: They were in a grocery store. Everyone knows real zombies prefer to hunt in malls.

What will seven zombies (and their lawyer) do with $165,000? Have a feast, obviously. Those tasty brains don't come cheap, ya know.