The world is going so well these days that some of you might be thinking, “Hmmm, how can I stick around even longer than the 100 years I’ve been allotted as a human?” Well, now you’ve got the opportunity to get the blood of younger, more lively people siphoned into your old, aging body.
A new clinic in New York called Ambrosia Medical has begun testing a vampire-like program which would give patients the opportunity to have the blood plasma of young people aged 16 to 25 infused into their older, more decrepit bodies in order to improve their lives. The company completed a clinical trial with 81 patients earlier this year to see whether or not it can improve sleep quality, athletic ability and energy — because we all know how much energy college students have to get up and go to class. The results have yet to be released but CEO Jesse Karmazin told Rolling Stone that “The data looks really great.”
Wait, wait. Does anyone else think this is starting to sound more and more like that moment right before things go wrong in a superhero movie? Some blood is about to spill on some other unknown chemical and we're gonna end up with a Hulk running around New York City.
But while the FDA has approved the procedure, it might not actually do anything. Stanford University neuroscientist Tony Wyss-Coray who completed a plasma study with mice told Science Mag back in 2016, “There’s just no clinical evidence (that the treatment is beneficial), and you’re basically abusing people’s trust and the public excitement around this.”
But if for $8,000 you want to see what it feels like to be a vampire without the assumed mess of blood-sucking and tracking down "donors," you can join the waitlist on the Ambrosia Medical website.