Roger Ebert, the universe slam Michael Bay's Transformers sequel in early reviews

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Dec 14, 2012, 3:54 PM EST

So just how bad is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? The reviews are already pouring in, and they're not charitable. (The movie opens in the United States tomorrow but is already screening in the United Kingdom, Japan and elsewhere.)

Perhaps most scathing is the Chicago Sun-Times' Roger Ebert, who writes: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

As of Tuesday morning, the movie was scoring 31 percent on the Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer—and falling.

Following is a sampling of other early reviews:

USA Today's Claudia Puig: "This sequel to the clever and funny first Transformers not only is disappointing, it will give most people a throbbing case of metal overload."

Ed Potton, The Times of London: "It's like being hit over the head repeatedly with a very expensive, very loud train set. After two and a half hours in this bludgeoning company, you're begging Bay to put away the boys' toys and make a rom-com."

Winnipeg Sun: "Noisier, longer and even more lyrically lunk-headed than its predecessor, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen consists primarily of: Wicked giant robot cars pulverizing each other."

Not all the reviews were bad:

Jordan Mintzer at Variety: "With machines that are impressively more lifelike, and characters that are more and more like machines, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen takes the franchise to a vastly superior level of artificial intelligence."

Or, as Roger Moore at the Orlando Sentinel says: "Is it the worst movie of the summer? Possibly. Will everybody see it? Probably."

(Look for SCI FI Wire's review later today or early tomorrow.)