Self-described vampire to run for governor of Florida

Contributed by
Dec 14, 2012, 4:09 PM EST

Wasn't there a politician who campaigned on the slogan "Morning in America"? Well, it turns out there's at least one politician for whom morning's not such a good thing. Because gubernatorial candidate Jonathon Sharkey is vampire.


Sharkey, a self-described vampire who'd previously announced plans to run for governor of Minnesota on the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans ticket, has called off that campaign, even though Minnesota seems like a state suited to eclectic candidates. After all, it sent a former professional wrestler to the statehouse, didn't it?

But Minnesota's loss will be Florida's gain, because Sharkey has now set his political sights on the Sunshine State, according to citypages.

"Instead of running for Governor of MN, I will now run in Florida as a Republican for probably a nation position. I have unfinished business in Tampa Bay, too," said Sharkey in his announcement. "I intend on seeking support from my fellow Republicans in the House and Senate to pass federal laws to address child protection and harsh criminal punishment upon those who abuse their children."

And just in case you're looking for more specific details on what those laws might be, here's the tough-on-crime platorm he proposed when he originally announced he was running for governor of Minesota:

"They'll be tried by me, beaten, tortured, dismembered, decapitated, impaled, and their heads will be put on display," Sharkey said at the time. "This is the Viking State. Start acting more like Vikings. You got a problem? Take it to the streets. People need to get a set of balls and a spine."

But we guess we'd better be careful what we have to say about his campaign, because Sharkey also made this promise:

"To the media and those who speak out wrongly against me, and tell lies, I promise you this: Upon becoming governor, I will have you arrested and personally try you myself. Upon finding you guilty of your crime, I will cut out your lying tongue, and nail it to your chin, so the world knows that you're a liar."

So we guess the only thing more to say is ... gulp! ... best of luck with your campaign!

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