Stuff We Love: Defunctland, the internet’s virtual zombie amusement park

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Mar 26, 2021, 1:00 AM EDT (Updated)

Wonder what planet Disney’s ExtraTERROResterial: Alien Encounter or Captain Eo blasted off to? Dying to sink your teeth into Universal’s Jaws, the Ride again or find out why Ghostbusters Spooktacular ghosted? Everything you never needed to know about dead theme park attractions awaits you at Defunctland.

This isn’t just a site. I mean, of course it’s a site on Defunct Disney’s Wide World of Internets, but it’s also attraction expert Kevin Perjurer’s YouTube channel and future VR experience (more on that later), which time-warps you through the gates of and right into the seats of rides that were too dangerous, too extravagant, or just too downright weird. Don’t tell me you didn’t want to vomit after about 30 seconds on Body Wars, or that you didn’t want to strangle those cruel animatronic masterminds in the ExtraTERRORestrial preshow when they tried to rip apart the molecular structure of a cute fuzzy alien in a teleportation experiment.  

Defunctland isn’t just a visual time machine. Watch the videos, listen to the podcast, and get progressively more fascinated and creeped out by the history buried beneath these demolished and sometimes repurposed rides — scroll down on each video to The Remains to see the whereabouts of their innards now. Did you know that one of the animatronic geese from Disney’s America Sings was plucked so it could be morphed into an insta-droid for Star Tours? Or that the Monsters, Inc. ride is essentially Superstar Limo with all those scary movie-star animatronics turned into monsters? Or that Disney may be guilty of more politically incorrect lines than a night of bad stand-up comedy?

The feud between Disney and Universal shouldn’t surprise you. Anyone could have seen that coming like Kongfrontation. Speaking of which, that thing sans gorilla is now better known as Revenge of the Mummy.

For anyone who really wants to get nostalgically freaked out, Perjurer (who introduces himself with a different photo of Brad Pitt in every video) is the Imagineer behind a virtual-reality experience that will take you through the Defunctland “theme park,” which is fronted by the Disney eyesore that was Mickey’s sorcerer’s hat. It hasn’t been “built” yet, but when you wish upon a star…