Stuff We Love: Say goodnight to Teddy Scares

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Jan 10, 2018, 4:49 PM EST (Updated)

You may have slept with a teddy bear as a kid, that cuddly ball of polyester fur that convinced you shadows were just shadows and no monsters were going to creep up on you in the middle of the night. Teddy Scares aren’t the teddy bears you’d sleep with to feel safe from the thing under the bed. They are the thing under the bed.

Teddy Scares are supposed to be what happens when a ratty old teddy bear gets trashed and zombifies somewhere among the deflated tires, smashed teacups, cracked plates, and innards of old appliances in the junkyard. They’re not done with their existence as a reanimated inanimate object yet. Maybe it’s longing. Maybe it’s vengeance. Maybe it’s just the sadistic rush of picking up an abandoned hatchet and turning into a stuffed serial killer. These fur-freaks who have managed to escape the dump’s menacing incinerator are really all stalking an owner again, but some just think that’s better done with a detachable head.



Take Annabelle Wraithia. The former wedding reception centerpiece fell off the table after the party was over and ended up resurfacing in the jaws of the incinerator, where she literally lost her head. She haunts the dump with deranged bears like Rita Mortis, Hester Golem, Edwin Morose, and Redmond Gore (the slasher of the group). The bears live up to their legends in the flesh—or fur. Annabelle’s head really is detachable and can be posed in her paws, or anywhere else, as the alternative to the usual bride bear in a white confection of a dress. Resident zombie Hester Golem has removable brains. You can expose them, make them look like they’re bursting out of his head, or just leave them dangling from his empty skull.




Watch for con exclusives of these stuffed monstrosities, so you don’t miss out on things like one-eyed, stitched-up fashionista Mazey Podge dressed as a prison guard, or an iteration of Annabelle Wraithia that comes with her own shirt that reads, appropriately enough, “Unlucky in love.” Did I mention they come in minis and even keychains? No one is going to touch your keys if they see something undead attached.

Trespass into the dump and give these Frankenstein-ed teddies the attention they’re so ravenous for.