The winners of the 2018 Razzie Awards have just been announced, and in perhaps the most meta thing to have ever happened in the world of cinema, a film in which actual poop emojis come to life has won Hollywood's closest approximation of the poop emoji itself. And The Razzie for Worst Picture goes to...The Emoji Movie!
Fans of genre fare who may have been rooting for The Mummy for Worst Picture, take heart. The Mummy had no hope against a film that inspired what this writer considers the Moby Dick of negative reviews, a pan in Esquire titled, "The Emoji Movie Is Perfect If You Enjoy Seeing the Disappointed Faces of Children" that was so fanciful in it's critique, the review itself could have been developed into a script. And so maybe the real Emoji Movie was the frenemies we made along the way?
Moving on to Worst Actress, Tyler Perry in Boo 2: A Madea Halloween beat out the sci-fi nom of Emma Watson in The Circle, and this writer is glad, cause there are only so many episodes of Black Mirror existant for those of us who need a little light technophobia now and then, and Circle well filled the void.
The Mummy was not overlooked however, as Tom Cruise took home the Worst Actor prize in a film this writer has admittedly not seen. But we did see 2014's Anubis-as-monster movie The Pyramid, so, we can imagine.
In the coveted Worst Screen Combo category, "Any Two Obnoxious Emojis" beat out "Any Combination of Two Humans, Two Robots, or Two Explosions," in Transformers: The Last Knight in yet another solid take-home for the movie that includes a walking high-five. Not surprisingly, the film also won for Worst Director. (How does one even direct emojis? Maybe they should have made GIFs: The Movie?)
People who reallly dislike the Fifty Shades franchise might consider it horror, so perhaps genre won the day as Fifty Shades Darker took home Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel, and The Emoji Movie won yet again for Worst Screenplay. Again, you gotta have quite a bit of sympathy for the task of writing dialogue for emojis, even if one of them is voiced by Patrick Stewart.
Worst Supporting Actress went to Kim Bassinger for Fifty Shades Darker and Worst Supporting Actor to Mel Gibson for Daddy's Home 2. And can we just say we're glad Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales came away empty handed? It may be due to not having seen about 14 years of pirate sequels, but this writer gave that one a big smiley face.
Stay tuned tomorrow for our coverage of the actual best movie awards at the 2018 Oscars.