The Marvel Cinematic Universe is fraught with hot — of this there can be no doubt. And in the 10 years since Tony Stark first jettisoned into our hearts launching the franchise, we have watched many of our favorite heroes age like fine wine, and there is no shortage of silver foxes to be enjoyed (we're talkin' to you, Ruffal-oh yes).
However, there are a precious few who seem to exist outside of our normal human aging process. They do not adhere to our rules of time and space. And, you know what? We're fine with that.
These are the most ageless (alleged) humans of the MCU. We cannot confirm that they all have aging portraits of themselves hanging in an attic but we can't deny it either.
I mean, honestly, how dare she. Michelle Pfeiffer has been the primary cause of hearteyes since she first straddled a ladder while singing "Cool Rider" back in 1982. Thanks to Catwoman she was already a genre icon, and blessed the MCU with her presence as Janet Van Dyne in Ant-Man and the Wasp, a film that opens with a flashback in which she plays herself 30 years younger, A.K.A. just herself, generally. The only difference betwixt 30-years-ago Janet and present-day-post-Quantum-Realm Janet is a better hairstyle. The MCU future is female and Pfeiffer will probably still look the exact same come Phase Five, Six, and 110.
Samuel L. Jackson
I want to preface my next statement by saying that Clark Gregg is undeniably a handsome, handsome man at any age. But thanks to the de-aging work to take our sweet Coulson back to the '90s in Captain Marvel, he was more CGI than man, something that was made all the more noticeable by the fact that '90s Nick Fury was just Samuel L. Jackson, here, now, then, always. The man is 70 years old and he's been 40 since he was 30. How? Is it the hats? It has to be that his hats have magical properties, right?
The only change to Don Cheadle's perfect visage throughout his tenure in the MCU is that time he stopped being Terrence Howard. Don Cheadle stopped aging somewhere around Volcano, probably because Samuel L. Jackson loaned him one of his magic hats.
TELL US YOUR SECRET, HAT. LET US BE IMMORTAL, EVER UNDER THE WATCH OF BLESSED BRIM.
The Talented Mr. Ripley was 20 years ago. You watch that movie right now and tell me Cate Blanchett isn't the literal exact same at this very moment as she was back then freaking out Matt Damon on a boat. She clearly absorbed some of that Galadriel elf magic and was rendered ageless and immortal and is now just an actual elf. It's fine. It actually makes Carol weirdly hotter. All the better for Hela to live forever and step on all our necks for the rest of time immemorial and we will thank her for it.
Cinematic depictions of Spider-Man have taken us from Rosemary Harris to Sally Field and finally to Marisa Tomei, and upon learning of this casting, we were flabbergasted. Marisa Tomei? Seriously? How can she play a septuagenarian widow? She hasn't aged since A Different World for god's sake. And then we saw for ourselves and she was perfect because Marisa Tomei is perfect. Uncle Ben died a happy man, at least.
What did we even do to deserve this actual queen? Who among us wouldn't give her the eye Michael B. Jordan-style and be all, "Hey, auntie?" In the case of Ms. Bassett, at least we have a reason for Ramonda looking no different than the days of Alias: she clearly actually turned into a vampire while filming Vampire in Brooklyn. That's fact. That's canon.
An obvious choice? Sure. But that's because it is factual. Paul Rudd literally actually does not change. By living a life free of scandal and shenanigan, and no doubt granted immortality by the Mac and Me alien family, Paul Rudd is eternal, he is forever, and we are so lucky to have him. Thanos only WISHES.
Rudd is perhaps shockingly not the most ageless performer in the Marvel universe. That honor goes entirely to Frigga herself, Rene Russo. Rene Russo is allegedly 65 in human years, but in goddess years, she is both youthful and ancient because a goddess has no age, only glory. In a world where women over the age of 40 are put out to Hollywood pasture, Russo is still playing Jake Gyllenhaal's love interest and leaving the rest of us to wrinkle and prune in our own Endgame tears. Your fave could never. No fave could ever. Only Rene Russo.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are the author's, and do not necessarily reflect those of SYFY WIRE, SYFY, or NBC Universal.