If a theme park crawling with genetically engineered dinosaurs was your last getaway, you probably know that any piece of proof you were there in the flesh means you didn’t just go dino-gazing, but actually survived.
Jurassic Park and Jurassic World may exist only in a movie franchise that has made most of us — even Dennis Nedry in his final gasping breaths — beyond relieved that no one has dared attempt any DNA experiments that would lead to giant reptiles trampling humans and possibly having a few of us for dessert. On the other hand, the swag would be pretty cool, right? Even a brochure that hadn’t been shredded by razor teeth would be a trophy.
Just imagine if you had the opportunity to swipe a raptor eggshell and keep your fingers. Or hide a case of frozen embryos in your jacket and get away with it. Or bring home something huge, heavy, and very much alive (hopefully a herbivore, if you have any intention of living after your flight touches down).
Of all the things you could have brought back from Isla Nublar, these officially licensed InGen souvenirs (er, prop replicas) are some of the most convincing. Just forget the part about it all being science fiction.
The official brochure
If you’re one of those vacationers who tends to hang on to every single brochure, even years after the trip, then you’re going to want to put this in your stack of Universal Studios and Disney pamphlets to really freak people out. It’s the most unassuming souvenir someone could have brought back from Isla Nublar—but also the most believable. Think about it: Even if you buy absolutely nothing from the overpriced gift shops at whatever already overpriced theme park you visit, you’re more than likely to come back with at least one of those free (at $23, this is close) brochures that uses branded symbols to tell you where everything is, from the roller coasters to the bathrooms. Except you don’t really need roller coasters when you’re constantly looking over your shoulder for an especially clever Velociraptor.
Proof that life will not be contained, and that life breaks free. This is the ultimate evidence that you were there, found something in the underbrush, and got away with it before your hand was savagely ripped off. The eggshell from which a baby raptor hatched in Jurassic Park was recreated from the exact prop used in the movie, and for just $399.99, can show nonbelievers you visited Isla Nublar. It’s so realistic that anyone who isn’t a hardcore fan will probably wonder why you’d keep a random cracked eggshell from some unknown creature lying around on your shelf. This is where you come in with your best Ian Malcolm voice and explain that this is the remnant of a Velociraptor egg, eerily recreated down to the exact cracks made by the genetically engineered lizard when it first breathed freedom.
Cryogenic embryo display set
InGen is finally making dinosaur embryo kits available to the general public. So maybe this is just the creepiest replica of potential raptors and T-Rexes and other deadly DNA mashups waiting to happen. But what’s even cooler about it, besides the scary resemblance to the vials in the movie, is that the company behind it, XienceTech, actually provided these vials to Universal Studios to use as props for Fallen Kingdom. They may be the most portable version you’ll ever have of seven species of dinosaurs that would collectively weigh as much as half a parking lot. You still can’t deny how creepy and lab-generated the InGen and Jurassic Park logos on the foam look, or just how much those vials really appear like they really do contain primordial dinosaur juice worth way more than just $60.00.
Velociraptor skull resonating chamber
Remember that scene from Jurassic Park III when Billy 3D-printed that exact part of a Velociraptor skull and then used it to make creepy noises in the lab and excite Dr. Grant about dinosaurs all over again?
If you’ve been forever searching for one since, you’ve found it for $119.99. This 8-pound, life-sized reproduction cast directly from the original prop — which was based on an actual raptor skull — doesn’t make noises that will scare the neighbors, but it does look extraordinarily like the one that saved humans from becoming appetizers when they sneaked into the raptor pack to return stolen eggs. Plus, owning one of these gives you license to use the coolest line ever to welcome or scare away guests, depending on how they react: “I give you… the resonating chamber of a Velociraptor.”
If you’d rather keep your frozen embryos somewhere a little less obvious, then you need that infamous can of Barbasol that definitely wasn’t for shaving. It may look like something you’d get at the drugstore, just infinitely more dangerous. This $650 drugstore find has been ingeniously engineered to hold the same 10 meticulously labeled vials from the movie in the innards of what was once a pump, but is now a weapon of mass destruction waiting to happen.
Anyone who doesn’t get the reference may think you’re a bit off when they see a random can of shaving cream outside the bathroom (just let them think that). Those who do are going to wonder whether you were scheming to sneak a handful of micro-monsters out of Isla Nublar with Dennis Nedry. Of course, we all know how that went.
Night vision goggles
The one and only authentic, licensed version of the goggles Tim was fascinated by before T-Rex terrorized that Jeep have been smuggled from Isla Nublar by Chronicle Collectibles. Chronicle actually worked with Universal Studios to measure, 3D-scan, and take endless photos to get every detail of the neon green-and-orange gizmo right, down to the iconic crosshair pattern on the outside. The lenses can be manually adjusted to display two sets of inner barrels, and you can actually see through the goggles when the barrel is open.
So these don’t actually give you enhanced night vision capabilities, but for $449.00, they do light up like they did in the movie, which is infinitely cool in itself. Factoid: The same set of goggles was used in both Jurassic Park and Jurassic World. Tech always finds a way.
Mosquito in amber walking stick
Remember that poignant scene at the end of Jurassic Park when Dr. John Hammond stared contemplatively at the ancient mosquito in amber whose blood had been used to create the genetically engineered beasts that shredded his vision? YouTuber Peter Brown went there... with a few adjustments, of course.
Brown got a crane fly and encapsulated it in polyester resin, which is much more frustrating than it sounds. Many bugs had to die for this experiment. After creating a silicone mold, Brown cast several versions of the “amber,” and the one with the closest color match to the movie—besides the one in which the bug exploded—was then shaped to eerily echo the amber from which monsters emerged.
Brachiosaurus replica statue
No matter what kind of souvenirs (or species) you would have brought back from the multiple versions of Jurassic Park that evolved over the last 25 years, there is absolutely nothing like bringing home a live dinosaur. Almost. You still do have to admit that Design Toscano’s towering fiberglass Brachiosaurs would have needed the mother of all indestructible crates to get it home if it was really was alive. While it doesn’t have the animatronic head of the puppet used to bring Brach to life in the original Jurassic Park, it’s still 314 pounds of dinosaur that stretches its neck over 15 feet into the trees (that’s nothing when you consider an actual Brachiosaur weighed in at over 38 tons). He can live with you for just over $11,000, but I have a feeling he’s headed to join T-Rex and his other prehistoric friends at the nearest mini golf.
Jurassic Park Jeep and Explorer
Someone actually took 65 million years to warp the DNA of two clunkers from the ‘90s so they could look exactly like the Jeep and Ford Explorer that crawled over Isla Nublar, sans the dents and enormous T-Rex tooth marks from being crushed by gargantuan reptiles.
Nobody cares if a car is over 20-years-old and has 100,000+ miles on it when it’s got the most awesome movie paint job ever. The 1992 YJ Jeep Sahara Wrangler is ready to go Brachiosaurus sightseeing with everything retooled to look exactly like Dr. Grant would be driving it. Even the cupholder and steering wheel are stamped with the official park logo. Same for the Explorer, whose paint job I just can’t get over. While these have been snapped up by a really hardcore fan, you can just appreciate how awesome an Instagram op they’d be.
Indominus Rex head
The safest (and really only) way to bring home an Indominus Rex is if it’s a dead Indominus Rex, though you’d have to somehow claw it out of Megalodon’s massive stomach first. If you succeeded and found a skilled enough taxidermist to reconstruct it so you could replace that tired old moose head over your mantelpiece, this is what you’d get. There’s a reason this dino-hybrid brainchild of Dr. Henry Wu that should have never existed was named “fierce or untamable king.” Parkgoers clamored for fiercer dinosaurs—and did they ever get one. Now you can really take the time to appreciate those hardcore spikes and scales and dagger teeth, plus the fact that this is the only exact replica of the original Indominus Rex head spawned by the brains at Universal Studios. No wonder it’s a fearsome $24,999.99.
A genuine raptor crate
It could be the most epic haunted house prop ever, or you could give it a paint job and redecorate so that no one ever realizes they’re watching Netflix or sipping coffee in what was once an impossibly strong crate that needed bricks and metal bars just to keep from unleashing the life-form seething and gnashing within. Something that was just able to contain a raptor could also be the most enormous dog house ever.
While hauling a crate back from some remote island theme park wouldn’t exactly have the same impact as bringing home a living, breathing dinosaur, it’s not nearly as heavy and exponentially less dangerous. There could even be some leftover eggshells from which the thing that was once inside hatched. If someone replicated this, I’d want to keep all the original scratches and bite marks, but that’s just me.
The sign of doom
After the original park on Isla Nublar fell to ruins, it would have been awesome to be a parkgoer on Jurassic Park: The Lost World if you could at least wrench the sign loose from that now-overgrown gate and somehow check it with your luggage on the flight home without getting arrested.
If you existed in an altverse where reanimating dinosaurs was more science than fiction, there is no way anyone would have issues finding your place again with a dino-sized sign from the real-life dinosaur park that was trampled by DNA-altered lizards gone wild. It would be iconic. While some YouTubers have tried constructing replicas of the gate, including a cardboard model that needs to live indoors if it doesn’t want to get blown away, no one has actually built a full-scale model yet—but just imagine one over your garage.
Even if you've never been Zorbing, there’s no way you wouldn’t want to ride in this spherical moving vehicle that lets you see a herd of Triceratops or Stegosaurus from every angle and rolls back if it gets too close (which unfortunately doesn’t apply to Indominus Rex once the invisible fence technology is disabled). Too bad they didn’t sell these in the gift shop. If you brought one home from Jurassic World, it would be just as awesome without a dinosaur in sight. Imagine this thing acting as an instant mosquito shield when you go outside in the summer, or as insulation in the winter as you just roll over the snow and ice while your neighbors are stuffed into their parkas and boots. More reasons I wish even a replica of this existed: the glass can even stop a 50-caliber bullet and is venom-resistant, no matter if it’s a snake or a Diosophosaurus that fires lethal mucus at you.