In the beginning, there were alignments. Then there were Hogwarts Houses. And then there was BDE.
When it comes to judging your favorite characters, these are all very fine and worthy metrics, but isn’t it time we went back to the metrics that mattered? You know, the stars?
With their hands determinedly covering up the birthdates of your favorite characters, FANGRRLS Clare and Sara set out to assign star signs to all your faves, one franchise at a time.
In this edition, Sara and Clare hail to the HBICs of genre!
Janet Van Dyne: Aries
Clare: Janet is one of the founding members of the Avengers and, if it wasn't for her, the Avengers would be named something else. Something much less cool.
Sara: I love Janet. Every day, I love Janet. She’s my favorite Avengers leader besides Cap and Monica Rambeau. She’s one of the most genuinely fun comic characters out there because she loves being a superhero and she’s always ready for the next round.
Clare: Janet balances her duties as a hero and Avenger matriarch with all the surefooted joie de vivre of a happy Aries who has the room, resources, and privileges to pursue her own interests.
Sara: One of the most Aries scenes in all of media is the moment in Avengers #217. Janet is going through an ugly divorce. When she shows up to the Avengers meeting, they’re all ready for her to take a leave of absence, and instead, she muscles her way into becoming the leader of the team. Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor literally never knew what hit them, and folks, that is an Aries move if I’ve ever seen one.
Clare: You cannot keep a good Aries down! If she wasn't an Avenger, she'd be a fashion designer, and if she wasn't a fashion designer, she'd be a screenwriter. Seriously, she wrote a screenplay about the early days of the Avengers called The Coming of the Avengers that was almost picked up. It's probably still on the Black List in the 616!
Sara: Damn it, Janet… I love you!
Monica Rambeau: Taurus
Sara: The other most underrated leader of the Avengers, our dear Ms. Rambeau.
Clare: Monica also served as the leader of Nextwave! While she’s mostly on reserve for the As these days, she will still pinch-hit as the top dog if needed. It’s “count me in, coach,” except you’re the coach! How Taurus.
Sara: Most of Monica’s time as leader was spent being undermined by the truly awful Doctor Druid, so it’s hard to get a clear image of what an unfettered Rambeau leadership would look like, but she managed to hold it down and hear people out with patience and humility all while leading one of the most chaotic Avengers line-ups ever, so, frankly, sounds like a Taurus to me.
Clare: It’s also very Taurus to be on the same timetable as a being made of pure energy.
Sara: At the end of her run as Avengers leader, she covers herself in a blanket, turns off her phone, and goes to hang out with her parents for several months. Next time we see her, she’s doing this whole other thing. Taurus, Taurus, Taurus.
Silver Sable: Gemini
Clare: Gemini are sometimes typecast as the party kids of the zodiac, which might not seem to lend itself to a woman of authority. But the same kind of airiness that makes it feel like it’s hard to pin a Gem down can also manifest as a certain kind of ruthlessness that might come in handy if one’s job is, say, hunting Nazis. Silvija Sablinova (I love a comic book character whose pseudonym clearly came first!) has led the Nazi-hunting organization known as the Wild Pack since her father died, and she’s been doing a bang-up job.
Sara: I love Silver Sable, not only because of all the Nazis she kills, but her weird friendships with villains like Doctor Doom are actually kind of endearing. There's an issue of her '90s series where she dresses up like Doom and wrecks his castle then merrily greets him when he returns home, and, let’s face it, if you’ve ever left your house keys with a Gemini, this is not a wholly unfamiliar story for you.
Clare: “Oh, hiiii, I redecorated!”
Sara: She’s still got that unpredictable energy and social grace that makes a solid case for her as the twin sign. She’s friends with heroes and villains alike and plays completely by her own rules. Her team, the Wild Pack, is exactly what their name would imply. Geminis are excellent at handpicking their own chaotic, multi-faceted crews.
Princess Bubblegum: Cancer
Sara: Cancers enjoy their work the most when they’re able to do it alone and at their own pace, and they resent intrusions. Hmm, why does that sound like Bubblegum? Because it is her.
Clare: I gotta tell you, looking up Adventure Time lore sober is harrowing. Intriguing! And harrowing. Cancers can be enigmatic, and PB’s penchant for occasionally revealing that there is a darkness to her definitely qualifies.
Sara: She’s so interesting because of how self-isolated she is, but she thrives on these quiet, one-on-one interactions, which… yeah, it’s literally just like reading a list of Cancerian traits.
Sara: The lion! Okoye has all the great traits of a Leo — she’s protective, level-headed, and thrives on the attention and spotlight her position grants her. And, of course, the giant spear for her enemies to find themselves on the wrong side of. Classic Leo energy.
Clare: Okoye takes the legendary power of the Leo ego and transmutes it into Wakandan patriotism. When W’Kabi asks her if she would kill him when they end up on separate sides at the end of Black Panther, she does not hesitate before telling him she absolutely would. She is the most enlightened Leo in the world.
Sara: She really is! There’s a level of poise that just radiates from Okoye and yet I do not hesitate to think she would chop my dang head off if the need arose. I appreciate that, Okoye!
Chrisjen Avasarala: Virgo
Clare: The Secretary-General of the United Nations, Her Excellency, Chrisjen Avasarala. I have to say the whole thing because otherwise, I’m just going to start shrieking about how STUNNING her wardrobe is. And an exquisite wardrobe designed to maximize every political moment? This is legitimately the hallmark of a Virgo.
Sara: Virgo women and their excellent wardrobes - it’s a thing.
Clare: There’s a ruthlessness to her one often finds with a seasoned Virgo; righteousness sometimes edges into “the ends justify the means.” And, to be fair, she is often right, but she certainly feels entitled to take the lead.
Sara: Virgos are… certainly a strong-willed people.
Philippa Georgiou: Libra
Sara: Why… why is her face… so beauty?
Clare: I’m not sure how to talk about Captain Georgiou without sounding like I have a massive crush on her? It’s just… she’s thoughtful, she’s a little sly in a very charming way, and she’s optimistic despite suffering a lot of loss in her personal life… she’s… she’s just so great…
Sara: Haha, we just... love you! Philippa. Can I call you Philippa? Oh, god. Anyway, Libras are the best at winning people over and making people fall in love with them, and, let’s face it, it’s already worked on Clare and I.
Clare: (sob) She’s just the best!
Sara: Those arms! I need a minute.
Clare: Remember when Wonder Woman came out and everyone, absolutely everyone, was just floored by Robin Wright as General Antiope? I just want us all to relive that magical moment a little bit. I think we deserve it.
Sara: Mysterious! Enigmatic! Vengeful! Great at war! Keeps many secrets! Scorpio queen! Carry me to safety with your amazing biceps.
Clare: Scorpios can be, shall we say, intimidating, but there’s always rationale and strategy behind their sting. Antiope, after all, is able to convince Hippolyta that maybe it’s a GOOD idea if Diana becomes the greatest Amazon who ever lived.
Sara: The persistence! The passion! The leadership qualities! Again, those arms! I will follow you into battle anytime, Antiope.
O-Ren Ishii: Sagittarius
Sara: O-Ren is easily the best character in Kill Bill, which checks out as Sags are the best member of the Zodiac.
Clare: As Queen of the Tokyo underworld, O-Ren Ishii rules with a hidden iron fist. She’s poised, patient, and thoughtful with her underlings… but God help you if you cross her. She gutted the man who killed her parents so hard his teeth cracked and decapitated an underling for talking smack about the non-Japanese side of her family. She hides it well, but this one of the fieriest Sags we’ve discussed on Star Signs.
Sara: Sags usually play it much cooler than Leos or Aries, but there is a staying power that they have that other fire signs generally do not. She has no respect or interest in authority figures and is always ready to chop off any head that gets in her way, which pretty much sums up what happened last time I crossed a Sag.
Clare: This might seem like a lot of head trauma talk for one day, but we are Aries.
Avatar Kyoshi: Capricorn
Clare: My favorite fandom joke about Avatar Kyoshi is that whenever someone goes into Avatar State to ask her for advice, her advice is usually something along the lines of “well, take that guy and just start beating the other guy with him, see if that shakes some things loose.” And you know what? Sometimes you just gotta get right to the point!
Sara: Capricorn, you never steer us wrong. One thing I appreciate about Kyoshi and all Capricorns in general is that they just don’t suffer fools. They have their squad, and though their critical side might lead to them being a little harsh at times, it’s almost always in service of improving the group.
Clare: Exactly. A lot of Kyoshi’s harsher edges are well-earned in a life of dealing with bureaucratic nonsense when you are literally the Avatar, but she’s always working towards the greater good.
Borg Queen: Aquarius
Sara: The fact that she lives in a hivemind and still somehow manages to be the only queen is the most Aquarius thing I can even imagine.
Clare: AND that hivemind is meant to be composed of Borgs who are as to the Collective as cells to an organism and she still manages to have a favorite child (Seven of Nine). If that isn’t chaotic evil Aquarius energy, I don’t know what is.
Sara: “Everyone is the same except for me and the five people I like” is straight-up an Aquarius mantra.
Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld: Pisces
Sara: Oh! Sleeper hit. Just like Pisces in general, a sleeper hit. In fact, Amethyst is the most Pisces because she’s kind of pushed into this leadership position despite being a literal child in her regular life.
Clare: Any opportunity to talk about Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld, is a plus in my book. She just combines so many things I love: the '80s, magical girls, gemstones, and young women struggling to find themselves while also trying to save their country. Sigh. A narrative feast!
Sara: The idea of a character that closes their eyes and imagines themselves as the princess of a radiant gem world glowing with vibrant purple energy is the most Pisces thing I’ve ever heard in my whole dang life.
Clare: Every Pisces is a portal fantasy unto themselves.