bumblebee

The Week in Geek: Everyone wants to have sex with Bumblebee, Jafar, and the Men in Black

Contributed by
Dec 21, 2018

It's the end of another week, and we got you an early Christmas/really late Hanukkah present: the news!

Full confession: this is a bit of a regift since we're recapping news stories moreso than providing you with brand new stuff. But, hey! It's entirely possible you don't spend every waking second on the internet. It's possible. In which case, this news could be new to you.

Here they are: the five biggest stories from... The Week in Geek!

BUMBLEBEE IS GOOD FOR KIDS BUT ALSO KINDA HOT?

This is the week that all the big Christmas movies come out. Early reports suggest that the movie that will be grabbing the most eyeballs is... Aquaman (which we'll talk about in a minute). But don't think that means Bumblebee isn't already popular.

The Transformers spin-off was released early into limited theaters on December 8th. It brought out the die-hard Transformers fans, but, while you'd expect the focus to be on the fact that this is the first CGI/live-action Transformers movie that is both set in the 1980s and feels like the Gen 1 toy brand, there's another story out there.

And that story is that Bumblebee is sexy. He doesn't talk a lot, but he's still very emotionally available, and Hailee Steinfeld's character, Charlie Watson, is absolutely into it. I don't want to ruin the movie, but I will say they introduce a potential boyfriend character for Charlie, but all the heat is between her and the robot man who is sometimes her car.

It's definitely exciting to have John Cena and Angela Bassett in a fun Transformers movie that actually feels like the cartoon some of us grew up with. And Bumblebee is also a great movie for kids. But, when the kids who see this movie grow up, they are going to realize that Bumblebee was to robosexuality in 2018 what Venom also was in 2018 for people who want to shack up with oozing, alien gimp suits (which is a much larger number than anyone expected, two tongues up.)

AQUAMAN IS VERY FUN, MAYBE NOT VERY SMART

Critics have been talking about Aquaman for about a month now, but this is the week fans (and fishes) finally get to see the latest from the DCEU.

You may have heard that Aquaman is not a film for intellectuals. That is true. You may also have heard that it is very fun. That is debatable, but believable enough that the movie is looking to be the most successful one this holiday season. It's already pulled in $266 million internationally.

Also, much like Bumblebee, you may have heard that many people are looking forward to Aquaman because Jason Momoa is, uh... very attractive. And, yeah... no lies detected there.

Live action Aladdin Entertainment Weekly cover

Credit: Entertainment Weekly

FIRST LOOK AT ALADDIN REVEALS QUESTIONABLE COSTUMES/SEXY JAFAR

Our first look at what the live-action incarnation of Aladdin was revealed through Entertainment Weekly. Very serious and studious fans of the original cartoon were not enthused about what they saw on the magazine cover. Mena Massoud (who plays Aladdin) wears a shirt (what?!) and also has a very bad blow-out. Naomi Scott (who plays Jasmine) has a corset. In the desert. And, in lieu of a bare midriff, the part of the corset where said driff would be driffing is.. flesh colored?

Also Will Smith is NOT blue, but, supposedly, that will be changed.

There were more images inside the magazine and, good news everyone: Marwan Kenzari (who plays Jafar) is so hot that the internet is now rooting for the villain to win.

MIB INTERNATIONAL (WHERE "MIB" STANDS FOR, "MAN, I"M BISEXUAL")

Gosh, the news really has a theme this week.

Men in Black International, a movie starring Chris Hemsworth, Liam Neeson, Tessa Thompson, and Emma Thompson got its first trailer this week. There's been a big question and that is: can Men in Black work without Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones? Gotta be real: it only did work with them the one time out of three, so...

But, yes: there was a trailer. Tessa Thompson is some kind of conspiracy theorist who tracks down the Men in Black. Chris Hemsworth is some kind of super agent/loose cannon with whom Tessa Thompson gets teamed up. And Emma Thompson and Liam Neeson are two of the stars of Love, Actually! And also they play the boss agents in Men in Black International.

People are really seeing bisexual realness in this trailer. The two Thompsons are giving each other the look. Chris Hemsworth exists and everyone is into that. And, again, same re: Tessa Thompson.

These are the F A C T S.

HELLBOY IS JUST A BOY STANDING IN FRONT OF A GIRL

... asking her to love him. Okay, not really. But the first trailer for the new, non-del-Toro Hellboy film did drop this week.

This is our first real look at David Harbour in action as our titular hero. He's a lot more gnarly than Perlman's version. He's got more scars, his teeth don't look like Chiclets, and, let's face it, this version of Hellboy seems a lot more like the dad who, even as a kid, you were, like, "good call on the divorce, mom."

People have been pretty mixed about the trailer. Is it too different from Guillermo del Toro's version? Not different enough? Is Hellboy too hot? Not hot enough? Look, this news round-up has a brand this week and it needs to be kept throughout, okay?

Anyway, that's the week. No idea why it was so horny on main, but here we are. Blame it on the rain (it's raining A LOT in New York right now, FYI).

What were your biggest stories this week? What stories excited you most? Let us know and we'll see you again next week.


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